SCENE: Lauren wakes up from a High Life induced coma on a chaise lounge in her backyard. She passed out from heavy drinking at 9pm last night. She is awake now and a bit disoriented.
Lauren: Hey guys! How 'bout them Mavericks! Wooo! All they way baby, all the way!
Friend #1: Uh, Lauren. I don 't know how to tell you this...I'll try and put it gently...they got raped last night. Bent over a table, no lube, raped.
Lauren: (In disbelief) No..no...no...you're wrong. They won. I remember. Game 7 in Dallas...this Saturday...you're wrong...
Friend #2: I'm sorry hun. But it's true. You passed out in the backyard last night before the game started. We hated to wake you because we feared the High Life and Mav loss rage you would be in.
Friend #1: Yeah. We went ahead and removed all beer bottles from the house so you couldn't use them against us.
Lauren: (Now quietly sobbing) Why...why would they do this to me? I feel like I've just had my heartbroken...
Friend #1: Yeah, fuckin' sucks. Sucks to be a Mavs fan. Sucks to be YOU.
Lauren: Harsh dude. Harsh. Why are you still in my house?
Friend #2: I had to have someone help me remove all sharp objects and things that could be turned into a noose from the premisis. We don't trust you Lauren.
Lauren: Man. This is the worst feeling. I feel like someone ripped my heart out and stomped on it. And then yelled "Go Warriors!" as I died.
Friend #1: Ha ha. MAVERICKS! MELTDOWN!
Lauren: (In a rage) DUDE! Seriously. I'm kinda upset here.
Friend #1: MAVERICKS! MELTDOWN! DIRK FOR MVP! HAHAHA! LOSERS!
(Lauren who has now noticed that her friends have forgotten about the empty beer bottle she keeps in her sock at all times reaches down and grabs the bottle before her friends can stop her. She breaks it on the coffee table and quickly slashes the throat of Friend #1. In an attempt to stop her, Friend #2 gets cut ugly and runs away screaming.)
Lauren: (covered in blood) Oh God...what have I done? What have the Mavericks done?
AAAANNNNNDDDDD scene.
Lauren: Hey guys! How 'bout them Mavericks! Wooo! All they way baby, all the way!
Friend #1: Uh, Lauren. I don 't know how to tell you this...I'll try and put it gently...they got raped last night. Bent over a table, no lube, raped.
Lauren: (In disbelief) No..no...no...you're wrong. They won. I remember. Game 7 in Dallas...this Saturday...you're wrong...
Friend #2: I'm sorry hun. But it's true. You passed out in the backyard last night before the game started. We hated to wake you because we feared the High Life and Mav loss rage you would be in.
Friend #1: Yeah. We went ahead and removed all beer bottles from the house so you couldn't use them against us.
Lauren: (Now quietly sobbing) Why...why would they do this to me? I feel like I've just had my heartbroken...
Friend #1: Yeah, fuckin' sucks. Sucks to be a Mavs fan. Sucks to be YOU.
Lauren: Harsh dude. Harsh. Why are you still in my house?
Friend #2: I had to have someone help me remove all sharp objects and things that could be turned into a noose from the premisis. We don't trust you Lauren.
Lauren: Man. This is the worst feeling. I feel like someone ripped my heart out and stomped on it. And then yelled "Go Warriors!" as I died.
Friend #1: Ha ha. MAVERICKS! MELTDOWN!
Lauren: (In a rage) DUDE! Seriously. I'm kinda upset here.
Friend #1: MAVERICKS! MELTDOWN! DIRK FOR MVP! HAHAHA! LOSERS!
(Lauren who has now noticed that her friends have forgotten about the empty beer bottle she keeps in her sock at all times reaches down and grabs the bottle before her friends can stop her. She breaks it on the coffee table and quickly slashes the throat of Friend #1. In an attempt to stop her, Friend #2 gets cut ugly and runs away screaming.)
Lauren: (covered in blood) Oh God...what have I done? What have the Mavericks done?
AAAANNNNNDDDDD scene.
Labels: heartbreak, mavs, putting those honor thespian skills to work, scene
wait, friend #1 is the elderly spurs fan that i fought with at the home opener? you never told me you were friends with that asshole.
i don't know how he got in my house.
but he's dead now.
let us never speak of this again.
I have never been more aroused in my life.
And you'll be dreaming of Baron's beard in your sleep tonight.
Funny stuff.