MARIA SHARAPOVA "DEAD FROG" IN THE SACK


Maria Sharapova's ex-boyfriend, Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine, said in an interview that his tennis playing ex-girlfriend is shit in bed.

"She wouldn't make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type...But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, saying it 'ruined her concentration."
Now I don't think Adam Levine is quite the type to make me scream and holler in bed, but come on Maria. You're a world class tennis player, you should be a world class dick rocker, too.
Perhaps, Adam, instead of singing your ready-for-a-romantic-comedy type of pop music you should have done a Poison cover and requested that your he-lady of an ex-girlfriend "Talk dirty to you."
I'm no expert (except that I have a degree in screwing from the University of Good in Bed) but if you would like a little advice on how to make your bed buddies moan and scream the way you want them to, just drop me a line. I'm just a humble teacher, here to help you learn.

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7 Responses to “MARIA SHARAPOVA "DEAD FROG" IN THE SACK”

  1. # Blogger Beretta

    It could be that she was trying to concentrate so she could ignore the fact she had settled for Adam Levine that night...

    And Adam...obviously you're not doing it right...and I don't just mean your music..  

  2. # Blogger DTC

    im shocked she would spread for sleaze like that. ive always had a stiff one for her and the thought of LA trash like him defiling her makes me want to weep.

    but if you think that image is bad, check out their new album.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOskLZ-w3RA  

  3. # Blogger The DBG

    This post has been removed by the author.  

  4. # Blogger The DBG

    I'd like to apologize. I ruined her for other men and she was probably just bored. She still calls me like six times a day begging for Big Sam and the Twins. I mean it was kinda cute at first but now I'm seriously considering a restraining order.  

  5. # Blogger Beretta

    Well, thanks a whole helluvalot, DBG.  

  6. # Blogger Bob

    His moaning was disrupting her concentration? Maybe she had to concentrate so hard because she couldn't feel his tiny penis?  

  7. # Blogger Mantlemurcer

    Does her being with him count as lesbian curiosity?  

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