Although I'm not a fan and I think you're a douche...
Happy 25th!
[Photo from Dlisted]
I'd brown bag that head and rock that body until I was completely satisfied.
Happy 25th!
[Photo from Dlisted]
Labels: andy roddick, brown bag special, happy birthday, hot
The GQ Quarterback Spread
Thoughts on the pictures:My sources* tell me that after the picture was taken, the model with Leinart was impregnated. He denies any knowledge of knocking her up. (Illegitimate child jokes with Leinart are never not funny.) Use that two punch method nameless model, two punch. One will not suffice. It's gotta be two, and they gotta be hard. (Punching yourself in the stomach to abort a child jokes are never not funny, either.)
Romo looks decent. When you aren't looking at him straight on and those ears have been touched up in the picture he's pretty hot...I'd hit it. Twice. Oh who am I kidding...three times. Even with the ears. And if I'm looking at him straight on. I'm weak. And easy.
JaMarcus Russell's coat is probably worth more than my car. Probably more than my life.
Brady Quinn tries to be James Dean. Stress on tries. Live fast, die young just doesn't strike me as Quinn's motto. Wear pink, touch boys seems more like it.
Speaking of young, Vincey does the dramatic "run away while looking back pose." Always a winner. He should try the "one hand on hip, head cocked to the side, sly smile, and peace sign" pose. I think it would work.
Ben ROFLsberger included in the magazine just for Mandy's masturbatory pleasure.
See the large pics and video here.
[Pictures from Mark Seliger - GQ]
* - For legal reasons I must state that my source is Matt Leinhart's erect penis. His flaccid penis could not be reached for comment.
Labels: ben roflsberger, GQ, masturbate and cry, quarterbacks who want to be models, tony romo
Two grand slams!
"That was ridiculous. I have never been in anything like that in my life," said Saltalamacchia, who went 4-for-6 with a walk and scored five runs. He came in batting .179 and finished at .262.
Fuck yeah.
That was awesome.
[Photo - AP Photo/Nick Wass]
[Source and me watching it]
Labels: holy crap that is awesome, salty, texas rangers
In honor of this most glorious of weekdays I give you under-boob, dear readers. And not just any under-boob, Gisele under-boob. 
She's still with oh what's his face from that team that comes from that place that makes clam chowder. You know? That guy? I'm not too great with names...but they're still together. So that makes this post make sense.
Personally I think she's a bit horsefaced. But I appreciate a good under-boob picture almost as much as I enjoy a good side-boob picture.
Hump away boys and girls!
She's still with oh what's his face from that team that comes from that place that makes clam chowder. You know? That guy? I'm not too great with names...but they're still together. So that makes this post make sense.Personally I think she's a bit horsefaced. But I appreciate a good under-boob picture almost as much as I enjoy a good side-boob picture.
Hump away boys and girls!
[Source - Hollywood Tuna Hi-res and the rest of the shoot is there]
[From her shoot in Max Magazine]Labels: boobs, lezzzin out, underboob
Maria Sharapova's ex-boyfriend, Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine, said in an interview that his tennis playing ex-girlfriend is shit in bed.
"She wouldn't make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type...But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, saying it 'ruined her concentration."
Now I don't think Adam Levine is quite the type to make me scream and holler in bed, but come on Maria. You're a world class tennis player, you should be a world class dick rocker, too.
Perhaps, Adam, instead of singing your ready-for-a-romantic-comedy type of pop music you should have done a Poison cover and requested that your he-lady of an ex-girlfriend "Talk dirty to you."
I'm no expert (except that I have a degree in screwing from the University of Good in Bed) but if you would like a little advice on how to make your bed buddies moan and scream the way you want them to, just drop me a line. I'm just a humble teacher, here to help you learn.
[Source]
Labels: maria sharapova, not hot, people who suck in bed
By now I'm sure you've seen the crazy $63 billion lawsuit (written in what appears to be crayons) against our favorite dog owner.
Well this ain't the plantiff's first rodeo. His declaring Vick to have "pledged allegiance to Al Quaeda" is only the tip of the crazy, crazy iceberg.
On Dlisted yesterday one of the commenters posted this lawsuit by the same guy. It is quite possibly 57 pages of the best lawsuit in the history of law.
Mandy (being the aspiring future lawyer that she is) and I were going to come up with our own ridiculous suit, but nothing tops anything this Jonathan Lee Riches could dish out.
Anyone who wants to take Boston Market, The Trojan Horse, The 48th Annual Grammy Awards, Taoist Creatures, Mariah Carey, AND Disney's Typhoon Lagoon to court in the same case deserves $63 billion from Vick.
[Dlisted]
**Update** Here is another one
Well this ain't the plantiff's first rodeo. His declaring Vick to have "pledged allegiance to Al Quaeda" is only the tip of the crazy, crazy iceberg.
On Dlisted yesterday one of the commenters posted this lawsuit by the same guy. It is quite possibly 57 pages of the best lawsuit in the history of law.
Mandy (being the aspiring future lawyer that she is) and I were going to come up with our own ridiculous suit, but nothing tops anything this Jonathan Lee Riches could dish out.
Anyone who wants to take Boston Market, The Trojan Horse, The 48th Annual Grammy Awards, Taoist Creatures, Mariah Carey, AND Disney's Typhoon Lagoon to court in the same case deserves $63 billion from Vick.
[Dlisted]
**Update** Here is another one
Unfortunately I don't have much to report on from the game last week. It was f'in hot, the nachos were AMAZING, beer was ice cold and over priced, seats were good, and the hike from the car to the stadium sucks just as bad as it usually does.
We were listening to the radio during the car ride home and one radio personality (who's name I don't know) gave us the "taken out of context it's funny because we're immature" quote of the night:
"Tony Romo loves the tight end."
Kekekekeke!!!!!1!!!
We were listening to the radio during the car ride home and one radio personality (who's name I don't know) gave us the "taken out of context it's funny because we're immature" quote of the night:
"Tony Romo loves the tight end."
Kekekekeke!!!!!1!!!
Labels: its funny because taken out of context its perverted, nachos, on last nights game, quote of the night, tony romo
Yup, that's right. Well, at least according to L.A. Rag Mag.
Jessica Alba (before she was Jessica Alba) used to date Derek Jeter, the serial celebrity dater, who plays for the NY Yankees. Well, our source who worked for one of their camps, had to refill her Valtrex prescription for her on a regular basis! Guess who she got it from…that’s right…dirty Derek Jeter.
Building on this, the blog Holy Candy mapped out the "Herpes Tree" of celebrities who may have contracted herpes as a result of Jeter.
So to recap, Derek Jeter has sullied all of your fantasies and the Yankees still suck.
Labels: derek jeter, venereal diseases
Because we are. Texas Stadium super nachos, to be exact.
Mandy and I are going to eat those 'chos like crazy. Extra jalapenos on the side for me, please.
We hope for shenanigans and perhaps some tomfoolery at the game tonight. Hijinks are a given. When you get some brew in us we're probably going to get escorted out of the stadium.
Again.
Sorry officer.
Labels: dallas cowboys, nachos, we will eat you out of house and home
While Mark Philippoussis picked the kitten, Salty picked the cougar. And impregnated her. And went to the same high school as her (she was a teacher, he was student). And because I always look for some reason to reference Van Halen, Salty had it bad, had it bad, had it bad, he was hot for teacher.
He's freakin' hot. Married doesn't stop me. His last name is the longest in MLB history and I can only wonder what else on him is long.
No matter how many times I see and hear his name I will refer to him as Saltimbocca. It's my favorite place to eat Bruschetta and it's easier to say.
He can do that to my bottom lip anytime...mmmm...I love the taste of salty stuff...all sorts of salty stuff...
"That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!"
Labels: futurama refrences, panty creamer, salty, van halen
Texas Rangers' manager Ron Washington and Dave Chappelle's Samuel L. Jackson
Labels: ron washington, separated at birth, texas rangers
BRADY QUINN CONTINUES HIS WORLDWIDE TOUR OF EMBARRASSMENT
10 Comments Published by mandy on 8/01/2007 at 16:12.
Just when you thought you were done looking at gay Brady Quinn pictures, they pull you back in.
Brady forgoes the crotch grab this time for the far more subtle hand on thigh and cuppage of the breast
If you just can't get enough of Brady acting totally straight, then head on over to Drunk Athlete to check out the rest.
And as a bonus, here's something abstractly related to both embarrassing photos and Brady Quinn. The Brothers Mottram over at Mr. Irrelevant did a little detective work and discovered that the infamous "Urlacher Tit Grab Girl" is currently on the show Rock of Love vying for the attention of Bret Michaels.
Yes, she's trying to win the heart of the same Bret Michaels that Brady Quinn occasionally joins for awkward sing-a-longs and backstage photo ops. Let's hope Brady's not the jealous type. Ba-zing!
See kids, that's bringing it full circle.
If you just can't get enough of Brady acting totally straight, then head on over to Drunk Athlete to check out the rest.
And as a bonus, here's something abstractly related to both embarrassing photos and Brady Quinn. The Brothers Mottram over at Mr. Irrelevant did a little detective work and discovered that the infamous "Urlacher Tit Grab Girl" is currently on the show Rock of Love vying for the attention of Bret Michaels.
Yes, she's trying to win the heart of the same Bret Michaels that Brady Quinn occasionally joins for awkward sing-a-longs and backstage photo ops. Let's hope Brady's not the jealous type. Ba-zing!
See kids, that's bringing it full circle.
Labels: brady quinn, drunk, sweet sweet man lovin'
Kudos to the worst call screeners of all time. I'm not sure if they should be fired or get a bonus for this one.
[TMZ via With Leather]
Labels: bad idea jeans, o.j. simpson
Right here is where Mandy and I should be giving you a hilarious recap of our experience at the FC Dallas v. LA Galaxy game last night.
You know, the one where we got to be in the same place as Becks?
We had the tickets. (Thanks to a super awesome reader! I said that people who send us stuff "are the tits." Mandy would like to clarify that by saying "Readers who send us stuff get to see our tits.")
But poor little Davey didn't play. He didn't even make the trip to Dallas. He didn't even step onto the field, wave his little hat, and smile for us.
So Mandy and I didn't make the trip to Frisco.
Thanks a lot you British pussy. You are no longer on my "To Do" list.
You know, the one where we got to be in the same place as Becks?
We had the tickets. (Thanks to a super awesome reader! I said that people who send us stuff "are the tits." Mandy would like to clarify that by saying "Readers who send us stuff get to see our tits.")
But poor little Davey didn't play. He didn't even make the trip to Dallas. He didn't even step onto the field, wave his little hat, and smile for us.
So Mandy and I didn't make the trip to Frisco.
Thanks a lot you British pussy. You are no longer on my "To Do" list.
Labels: becks, mad as hell, to do list
