I mean honestly? What keeps us from putting the noose on and knocking the stool out from underneath? What keeps us from drinking that delicious drano? What stops us from "cleaning that gun"? What makes the fans of Dallas sports stop themselves from jumping in front of that train that crosses over highway 360?

BEATS THE SHIT OUTTA ME!


It'd be easy if you could blame one person, but that whole team lost it. It'd be easy to blame the choke artist Romo (what's up playoff choker ala oldest Manning sibling), hell, it'd be easy to blame the defense, o-line, special teams, coaching staff, ball boys, cheerleaders, little kids who get to go onto the field for contests that involve Dr. Pepper give-aways, or anyone in that stadium (except for me because I screamed so loud every time I breathe deep it feels like the Sparta 300 are attacking my trachea).  But the Giants didn't beat them, the Cowboys beat themselves. 

But I'm trying to not let the loss ruin my awesome day. Not only did I flip the bird to a child, I also gave a flat tire to a Giants fan in the ladies restroom after complimenting her shoes (I never claimed to be a lady of class or elegance). I drank my weight in free booze at the Miller Lite tailgate tent and flirted my way into some free tickets to something to do with wrestling (I was drunk and thought they were Van Halen tickets) from the 93.3 The Bone give away truck.

Something that did manage to ruin part of  the day was the lack of fan support in my section of the stadium. Many times I would be the only one standing, calling for others to get on their feet. But man, I'd rather be the girl with the painted hair, pom-poms flying and screaming for my team than the chump who paid upwards of $150 a seat sitting on my hands doing what I could be doing at home. Fuck. That.

All I can hope for now is Tom Brady, Eli Manning and Jessica Simpson's arms will fall off. Because paraplegics don't know how to rock. And I'd rather rock than win. 

The team lost it for themselves, Romo is the new playoff choke artist, I'm rooting for LT because he came from TCU, I'm not going to Cabo this summer, the popcorn was ready for you TO but now you need some Kleenex, my throat is so sore I might OD on throat lozenges, and I might not be able to drink another Sparks because me pee is neon yellow and that can't be good. 

But hey, the sun will come up tomorrow. I will go to work, then to school and carry on my wayward son. 

Because in the end it could all be worse: I could be a Redskins fan. 


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28 Responses to “WHAT KEEPS A DALLAS FAN FROM HANGING BY THE NECK UNTIL DEAD?”

  1. # Blogger HrnyMnky

    What kept me from it, was the lack of a sturdy ceiling fan.



    Now I have a headache to go with the heartache.

    Plus, out of all the random sites I could find through google, I find this one.

    Dear God,

    Take me now.  

  2. # Blogger lauren

    Wow. Thanks there buddy. Awesome. I feel so much better.  

  3. # Blogger HrnyMnky

    I was Just joshin....

    The boyz weren't good enuff to beat the patriots n e wayz. I would rather lose now, than in the superbowl. They need a true reciever opposite of owens, and a BETTER cornerback opposite of newman(plus a reliable nickleback).

    Maybe that digusted look on jerrys face means' he's gonna break the bank to keep an eye on larry fitzgerald, or make a move for chad johnson(him and owens? Nah...couldnt be..but then again..its jerry)

    Merry Christmas.  

  4. # Blogger Chris, Kelly and Baby Ayden

    This comment has been removed by the author.  

  5. # Blogger DUPA

    bitch, you WISH you were a REDSKINS FAN!!!! That way, you'd never have a problem with Fan support.... OH, and you would also have won a playoff game in the past 12 years!!!!! LMAO, you suck, your team sucks, your colors suck, your fans suck, your city sucks, your coach sucks, your QB sucks..... basically, you should bomb your whole stadium during the next cowboys vs. eagles game!

    Thank you.... and nice tits!  

  6. # Blogger gerry dorsey

    do you mean the trinity railway express???

    dallas is most definitely choke city. the stars, the mavs, and the boys have all come up well short of expectations (if not flat out choked) in the last few years. it really makes the rangers' perpetual sucktitude rather relaxing.

    very well said mr. dupa.  

  7. # Blogger DUPA

    p.s.... i think i'm in love with mandy....

    that is all!  

  8. # Blogger Chris

    DUPA bringing it strong. Summed up my thoughts beautifully. Cowgirls SUCK  

  9. # Blogger Beretta

    @DUPA

    I saw Mandy first!  

  10. # Blogger Jay

    Awww, I'm sorry Lauren. As an Eagles fan, i was rooting for your 'Boys to destroy the Giants (plus my Dad is from TX and a Dallas fan), but alas.

    Someone get T.O. a beer to cry into.

    Buck up buckette. You can still read about where Romo and Simpson will vacation for their next getaway...

    (Hey, I'm an Eagles fan, I can't have THAT much sympathy)  

  11. # Blogger lauren

    I'd never let a Redskins fan touch, taste, massage or suck on my tits.  

  12. # Blogger Beretta

    Thank god I'm a Vikes fan....why yes, I am a masochist. What of it?  

  13. # Blogger Bill Belichick

    Lauren, if your first born come into this world sporting Burgundy and Gold, what would you do?  

  14. # Blogger Jay

    woohoo! she didn't say anything about Eagles fans! *does happy dance*  

  15. # Blogger Chris

    Too bad Lauren, have no idea what youre missing out on

    and Jay, even sucking on her tits still wont change the fact that youre going to live a miserable life as an eagles fan  

  16. # Blogger lauren

    @Bill - Breast pump and bottle feed. That would never happen with me anyways, I would only mate with a non-Redskin.

    @Jay - Eh, Eagles are hated, but not as much as the 'Skins. I'd let you sneak a feel.

    @Chris - you have no idea what my tits can do. And you will never, ever know.  

  17. # Blogger Big Tex

    who would of thought "the snarling dog" gattusso could look so steamy.  

  18. # Blogger Chris

    ok sure

    communicating with cowboys fans is harder than having a hear to heart with Hellen Keller  

  19. # Blogger Chris

    I enjoyed your post until the "being a Redskins fan" comment. You really crushed me in that moment.

    There is always next year, keep up the good work!  

  20. # Blogger lauren

    Well it made me feel better. And I'm a selfish bitch.

    Sorry one line hurt your feelings. I guess if you are smart enough to read this blog you might not be that bad.

    Maybe.  

  21. # Blogger Chris

    No worries. I have to admit that I am a die hard Redskins fan. I use to hate the ‘boys but, over the years I find myself growing to hate the G-men more and more. I even found myself cheering for Romo; hoping he wouldn't blow it!

    Do you feel sorry for the guy? He's making tons of cash and he gets to rough up Jessica Simpson?

    Who do you root for now... Chargers, Pats, Packers, or Giants?  

  22. # Blogger Chris

    This two Chris thing is getting confusing

    Just for the record, I wasnt crushed. I laughed  

  23. # Blogger Jay

    To Chris (one of you...):
    Just remember, EVERYTHING is better with a tit in your hand/mouth. ESPECIALLY an 8-8 season... HA!  

  24. # Blogger Chris

    That was for me:

    Yeah but Id still rather be a Redskins fan than an Eagles fan with a tit in my hand or mouth  

  25. # Blogger Jay

    Chris, with the season we had I gotta look for the silver lining...

    If I had a battery, I'd throw it at your QB (just playin!) Haha!  

  26. # Blogger Chris

    Throwing batteries is stupid. Everything that any eagles fan does is dumb*.

    *See all of Jay's posts.

    haha  

  27. # Blogger Trenton

    no kidding you wouldn't rather have a tit in your mouth. if you're a redskins fan you'd rather have a dick in your mouth anyway.  

  28. # Blogger Chris

    @ trenton

    cool city bro  

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