That I had NOTHING to do with this: Argument ends with 6 people stabbed.
“The disturbance appears to have started out as a birthday party and an argument over two sports teams ensued,” Gamez said. “One of the persons attending the party started to cut people.”
According to police, witnesses said the argument was about the Dallas Cowboys and another team.
Police found a large quantity of alcohol at the party, she said.
“When you mix alcohol with all that it doesn’t take much.”
I have never been to Victoria. I don't even know where Victoria is. Victoria, Texas? Never heard of it.
Blood? On my shirt? No no, it's ketchup. That fucking ketchup bottle had it coming! Looked at me wrong and started talking shit about my Cowboys! I mean...uh...
*runs to a church*
SANCTUARY! SANCTUARY!
[via With Leather]
Labels: dallas cowboys, dont start shit wont be shit, stabbing
Oh... Oh... Oh! You know what I'm talkin' about. Oh!
[Shutdown Corner] via With Leather
Thanks to sexy reader Chris for the tip! Rowr!
Labels: dallas cowboys, for the lulz, jerry jones
No words. Laughing. Too. Hard.
Labels: dallas cowboys, its not everyday that hitler is in a tag, youtube goodness
WHAT KEEPS A DALLAS FAN FROM HANGING BY THE NECK UNTIL DEAD?
28 Comments Published by lauren on 1/13/2008 at 20:34.
I mean honestly? What keeps us from putting the noose on and knocking the stool out from underneath? What keeps us from drinking that delicious drano? What stops us from "cleaning that gun"? What makes the fans of Dallas sports stop themselves from jumping in front of that train that crosses over highway 360?
BEATS THE SHIT OUTTA ME!
It'd be easy if you could blame one person, but that whole team lost it. It'd be easy to blame the choke artist Romo (what's up playoff choker ala oldest Manning sibling), hell, it'd be easy to blame the defense, o-line, special teams, coaching staff, ball boys, cheerleaders, little kids who get to go onto the field for contests that involve Dr. Pepper give-aways, or anyone in that stadium (except for me because I screamed so loud every time I breathe deep it feels like the Sparta 300 are attacking my trachea). But the Giants didn't beat them, the Cowboys beat themselves.
But I'm trying to not let the loss ruin my awesome day. Not only did I flip the bird to a child, I also gave a flat tire to a Giants fan in the ladies restroom after complimenting her shoes (I never claimed to be a lady of class or elegance). I drank my weight in free booze at the Miller Lite tailgate tent and flirted my way into some free tickets to something to do with wrestling (I was drunk and thought they were Van Halen tickets) from the 93.3 The Bone give away truck.
Something that did manage to ruin part of the day was the lack of fan support in my section of the stadium. Many times I would be the only one standing, calling for others to get on their feet. But man, I'd rather be the girl with the painted hair, pom-poms flying and screaming for my team than the chump who paid upwards of $150 a seat sitting on my hands doing what I could be doing at home. Fuck. That.
All I can hope for now is Tom Brady, Eli Manning and Jessica Simpson's arms will fall off. Because paraplegics don't know how to rock. And I'd rather rock than win.
The team lost it for themselves, Romo is the new playoff choke artist, I'm rooting for LT because he came from TCU, I'm not going to Cabo this summer, the popcorn was ready for you TO but now you need some Kleenex, my throat is so sore I might OD on throat lozenges, and I might not be able to drink another Sparks because me pee is neon yellow and that can't be good.
But hey, the sun will come up tomorrow. I will go to work, then to school and carry on my wayward son.
Because in the end it could all be worse: I could be a Redskins fan.
Labels: dallas cowboys, ica simpson better watch her back, jessica simpson better watch her back, sad, the only thing that will cheer me up is getting laid
Called it. Now shut up about him already.
Who thought Eli would be the Manning to bet on today?!
Any bets on who Jerry Jones will fire tomorrow?
Labels: dallas cowboys, jessica simpson better watch her back, man i hate the cowboys, there is a god, tony romo
And pro-Cowboys! Yeah!
Now that I've taken a break from deep-frying a ham, bombing abortion clinics, cleaning my gun, and sleeping with my cousin, I'll post up some songs about the Cowboys:
Found here!
Clearly "Money for Punting" is my favorite because of my hardcore love of Dire Straits and Mat McBriar.
Now that I've got that out of the way it's time to read my Bible and drink a 24 pack of Lone Star.
[Ed. note: All joking aside I don't give two shits if Mandy wants to rant about the Cowboys. I know lots of people hate them. I'm not one of those crazy fans who is gonna not be friends with someone just because they don't like my favorite team. A team I was raised on and will raise my children on one day. And Mandy's right, we don't talk about our favorite teams, we just talk about boys all the time! Tee hee hee! Giggle giggle! Pillow fight!]
[Ed. note part deux: Spurs fans need not apply for friendship. There are some things I can stand, but Spurs fans can lick a cactus and then lick my ass. Wait, other way around. Lick my ass, then lick a cactus. I don't want cactus needles in my asshole.]
[Ed. note trois: I love Lone Star beer. That was not a joke. I am polishing off a 24 pack as I type.]
[Ed. note quatre: Yes, I am making fun of the Ed. note.]
Now that I've taken a break from deep-frying a ham, bombing abortion clinics, cleaning my gun, and sleeping with my cousin, I'll post up some songs about the Cowboys:
Found here!
Clearly "Money for Punting" is my favorite because of my hardcore love of Dire Straits and Mat McBriar.
Now that I've got that out of the way it's time to read my Bible and drink a 24 pack of Lone Star.
[Ed. note: All joking aside I don't give two shits if Mandy wants to rant about the Cowboys. I know lots of people hate them. I'm not one of those crazy fans who is gonna not be friends with someone just because they don't like my favorite team. A team I was raised on and will raise my children on one day. And Mandy's right, we don't talk about our favorite teams, we just talk about boys all the time! Tee hee hee! Giggle giggle! Pillow fight!]
[Ed. note part deux: Spurs fans need not apply for friendship. There are some things I can stand, but Spurs fans can lick a cactus and then lick my ass. Wait, other way around. Lick my ass, then lick a cactus. I don't want cactus needles in my asshole.]
[Ed. note trois: I love Lone Star beer. That was not a joke. I am polishing off a 24 pack as I type.]
[Ed. note quatre: Yes, I am making fun of the Ed. note.]
Labels: dallas cowboys, dont hate my because im beautiful hate me because i fucking LOVE the cowboys, kickin lyrics straight to your brain, post that involve licking laurens ass
Warning: Rant Ahead! Not for the tl;dr crowd! Just head on down the page to the next post!
As I mentioned earlier this week, I've been tormented lately by the thought of a Patriots v. Cowboys Super Bowl. Sure, I know the playoffs are different from the regular season and anything can happen (6th seed!) but as of right now that terrible possibility is still lurking around the corner and I think it needs to be addressed.
Why would this be such an evil Super Bowl you ask? [Ed. Note - Actually you probably didn't ask, but I'm going to tell you anyways.] Patriots v. Cowboys would be an evil, unwatchable Super Bowl because it pits the two most unlikeable teams in the NFL against each other - there will be no underdogs, there will be no feel good stories, there will be only pure, unmitigated hate - so who the hell are you supposed to root for?
Here are my, and America's, problems with both teams:
THE DALLAS COWBOYS
Ok, so as a yinzer I'm a little biased here. There was a joke when I was growing up outside Pittsburgh that went "What's your favorite football team? The Stillers. What's your second favorite football team? Whoever's playing the Cowboys."
But notwithstanding that disclosure, the Dallas Cowboys are still one of, if not the most, reviled team in America. This is such an accepted fact that I've heard it casually mentioned at least 3 times during Monday/Sunday Night Football this season alone. (And I didn't even watch all the games!) People have the kind of hatred for the Cowboys that inspires them to write books about it.
Don't believe me? Just do a cursory Google search for "I hate the Dallas Cowboys." You'll see. (Just for comparisons sake, a Google search for "I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers" yields only an interview with Carson Palmer and a website that makes I hate [your favorite team] shirts.)
Sure, their fans are probably screaming "America's Team!" by now and they might even point to that Harris Interactive Poll earlier this year that labeled the Cowboys the most popular team in America, but I'll take the 220,354 person Scarborough Sports Marketing survey that declared the Steelers and the Packers the most popular teams in the NFL (Dallas wasn't even in the top 10) over that 2,392 person, 1,182 of whom follow professional football, Harris Interactive survey. I think even the Campbell's Chunky Click For Cans results are more reliable than that survey.
One of the reasons I think the Cowboys are so unlikeable is because they insist upon themselves. Season after season they declare themselves the greatest team in the NFL, despite the fact that they haven't won a playoff game since 1996. They call themselves "America's Team" when most of America hates them or couldn't care less about them. They proclaim Tony Romo the son of God despite the fact that he's never won a playoff game and has choked hardcore and cost them on multiple occasions. (People sure weren't that kind or prone to hyperbole towards Peyton Manning before he won the Super Bowl.) He's more famous for his love life than his prowess on the field.
Another reason the Cowboys are so unlikeable is because their fans are the biggest assholes in America. Trust me. Just come to Dallas and watch a game with these douchebags. I've had multiple Cowboys fans remark to me that they can't stand to be in a bar with other Cowboys fans - they are just that awful.
The Cowboys fan is a powerful combination of inbreeding and unwarranted arrogance. The only thing a Cowboys fan loves more than the Cowboys would be a deep-fried gun that shoots out Bible verses and prevents women from having abortions. And even then it'd have to be camo and come with a case of Lone Star or Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Ugh. I have no words to express how deeply I hate Cowboys fans and I can't wait for more unintelligible, semi-literate "Omg Tony Romo is teh best!!!1 Ben Roflsburger didn't wear a helmet and crashed his motorcycle!" comments from those mouth-breathers. It only proves my point.
As for the players, they aren't really any more likeable than the fans. The Cowboys have a storied history of douchey players and hardened felons on their roster - from Michael Irvin to T.O.
Do I even need to mention Jerry Jones or that godawful "How 'bout them Cowboys?" slogan?
It's just impossible to like these guys and get behind them. We'd all rather see them fail. Nothing makes me happier than a disappointed Cowboys fan. Legend has it, every time a Cowboys fan cries, an angel gets its wings.
[Ed. Note - You're probably asking yourself how I can be friends with Lauren, a loyal Cryboys fan. Well, the answer is quite simple. We never discuss our respective teams. We just make fun of the remaining 30.]
THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
There isn't much to say on this front that hasn't already been said. But in short, they're hateable because:
1. They cheat. Repeatedly. And they really don't give a fuck what you think about it.
2. Bill Belichick is the Archdouche of the NFL - he's a smug, conniving, unrepentant, wife-stealing, stupid-cutoff-hoodie-wearing, evil genius. You know you want to punch that shit-eating grin off his face. I sure do.
3. That whole holier than thou "winning with class" bullshit. They talk more trash than most teams.
4. Randy "I play when I want to play" Moss - the T.O. of the Patriots.
5. They've got a monopoly on winning the Super Bowl lately. Fans love dynasties; everyone else hates them. Enough already.
6. Massholes.
7. Did I mention that they cheat?
So yeah, pretty much the only way I could enjoy, or even watch, a possible Super Bowl between these two would be if a meteor crashed into the University of Phoenix Stadium killing all the players, the fans, and Chris Berman.
As I mentioned earlier this week, I've been tormented lately by the thought of a Patriots v. Cowboys Super Bowl. Sure, I know the playoffs are different from the regular season and anything can happen (6th seed!) but as of right now that terrible possibility is still lurking around the corner and I think it needs to be addressed.
Why would this be such an evil Super Bowl you ask? [Ed. Note - Actually you probably didn't ask, but I'm going to tell you anyways.] Patriots v. Cowboys would be an evil, unwatchable Super Bowl because it pits the two most unlikeable teams in the NFL against each other - there will be no underdogs, there will be no feel good stories, there will be only pure, unmitigated hate - so who the hell are you supposed to root for?
Here are my, and America's, problems with both teams:
THE DALLAS COWBOYS
Ok, so as a yinzer I'm a little biased here. There was a joke when I was growing up outside Pittsburgh that went "What's your favorite football team? The Stillers. What's your second favorite football team? Whoever's playing the Cowboys."
But notwithstanding that disclosure, the Dallas Cowboys are still one of, if not the most, reviled team in America. This is such an accepted fact that I've heard it casually mentioned at least 3 times during Monday/Sunday Night Football this season alone. (And I didn't even watch all the games!) People have the kind of hatred for the Cowboys that inspires them to write books about it.
Don't believe me? Just do a cursory Google search for "I hate the Dallas Cowboys." You'll see. (Just for comparisons sake, a Google search for "I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers" yields only an interview with Carson Palmer and a website that makes I hate [your favorite team] shirts.)
Sure, their fans are probably screaming "America's Team!" by now and they might even point to that Harris Interactive Poll earlier this year that labeled the Cowboys the most popular team in America, but I'll take the 220,354 person Scarborough Sports Marketing survey that declared the Steelers and the Packers the most popular teams in the NFL (Dallas wasn't even in the top 10) over that 2,392 person, 1,182 of whom follow professional football, Harris Interactive survey. I think even the Campbell's Chunky Click For Cans results are more reliable than that survey.
One of the reasons I think the Cowboys are so unlikeable is because they insist upon themselves. Season after season they declare themselves the greatest team in the NFL, despite the fact that they haven't won a playoff game since 1996. They call themselves "America's Team" when most of America hates them or couldn't care less about them. They proclaim Tony Romo the son of God despite the fact that he's never won a playoff game and has choked hardcore and cost them on multiple occasions. (People sure weren't that kind or prone to hyperbole towards Peyton Manning before he won the Super Bowl.) He's more famous for his love life than his prowess on the field.
Another reason the Cowboys are so unlikeable is because their fans are the biggest assholes in America. Trust me. Just come to Dallas and watch a game with these douchebags. I've had multiple Cowboys fans remark to me that they can't stand to be in a bar with other Cowboys fans - they are just that awful.
The Cowboys fan is a powerful combination of inbreeding and unwarranted arrogance. The only thing a Cowboys fan loves more than the Cowboys would be a deep-fried gun that shoots out Bible verses and prevents women from having abortions. And even then it'd have to be camo and come with a case of Lone Star or Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Ugh. I have no words to express how deeply I hate Cowboys fans and I can't wait for more unintelligible, semi-literate "Omg Tony Romo is teh best!!!1 Ben Roflsburger didn't wear a helmet and crashed his motorcycle!" comments from those mouth-breathers. It only proves my point.
As for the players, they aren't really any more likeable than the fans. The Cowboys have a storied history of douchey players and hardened felons on their roster - from Michael Irvin to T.O.
Do I even need to mention Jerry Jones or that godawful "How 'bout them Cowboys?" slogan?
It's just impossible to like these guys and get behind them. We'd all rather see them fail. Nothing makes me happier than a disappointed Cowboys fan. Legend has it, every time a Cowboys fan cries, an angel gets its wings.
[Ed. Note - You're probably asking yourself how I can be friends with Lauren, a loyal Cryboys fan. Well, the answer is quite simple. We never discuss our respective teams. We just make fun of the remaining 30.]
THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
There isn't much to say on this front that hasn't already been said. But in short, they're hateable because:
1. They cheat. Repeatedly. And they really don't give a fuck what you think about it.
2. Bill Belichick is the Archdouche of the NFL - he's a smug, conniving, unrepentant, wife-stealing, stupid-cutoff-hoodie-wearing, evil genius. You know you want to punch that shit-eating grin off his face. I sure do.
3. That whole holier than thou "winning with class" bullshit. They talk more trash than most teams.
4. Randy "I play when I want to play" Moss - the T.O. of the Patriots.
5. They've got a monopoly on winning the Super Bowl lately. Fans love dynasties; everyone else hates them. Enough already.
6. Massholes.
7. Did I mention that they cheat?
So yeah, pretty much the only way I could enjoy, or even watch, a possible Super Bowl between these two would be if a meteor crashed into the University of Phoenix Stadium killing all the players, the fans, and Chris Berman.
Labels: dallas cowboys, man i hate the cowboys, new england patriots, rants, super bowl
So I'm going to Cowboys first playoff game this Sunday. I've already got pom-poms, cow bells, beads, hair paint, tee shirt, and face paint.
But I've decided I might scrap most of that and just use the face paint for this:
I hope it isn't chilly.Labels: body paint applied by the highest bidder, dallas cowboys
Because we are. Texas Stadium super nachos, to be exact.
Mandy and I are going to eat those 'chos like crazy. Extra jalapenos on the side for me, please.
We hope for shenanigans and perhaps some tomfoolery at the game tonight. Hijinks are a given. When you get some brew in us we're probably going to get escorted out of the stadium.
Again.
Sorry officer.
Labels: dallas cowboys, nachos, we will eat you out of house and home
So Cowboy’s training camp started a few days ago. And I realize that many in the blog world, including my partner in life crime, don’t give two shits about that. Well I do.
We’re going to the first preseason game against the Colts and I’m trying to get us geared up and ready. A little over a week ago I read about Phil Garner and his idea to place a voodoo curse on Carlos Zambrano. This got me thinking…what in the black arts could I do to help my beloved Boys this season?
Lucky for me, a framed picture of Tony Romo fell into my lap.
[Shout out to Shaun for the Romo pic. Readers who give us stuff are the tits.]
We’re going to the first preseason game against the Colts and I’m trying to get us geared up and ready. A little over a week ago I read about Phil Garner and his idea to place a voodoo curse on Carlos Zambrano. This got me thinking…what in the black arts could I do to help my beloved Boys this season?
Lucky for me, a framed picture of Tony Romo fell into my lap.
Each night I light candles around it chanting various things about “not sucking” and “not fucking this up.” I kiss it each night before I go to sleep and I occasionally sprinkle it with a potion I made out of High Life (holy water), my perfume (Chanel), Powerade (for the sport liquid), a ground up hydrocodone (borrowed from TO), and a pinch of sea salt (for flavor).
Sometimes I turn the lights down really low and softly play Journey’s “Don’t stop believing.”
So if you do really well this season Tony, you’re welcome. And if you don’t, I’ve wasted good High Life.
[Shout out to Shaun for the Romo pic. Readers who give us stuff are the tits.]
Labels: dallas cowboys, high life, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity, tony romo
