WHAT KEEPS A DALLAS FAN FROM HANGING BY THE NECK UNTIL DEAD?
28 Comments Published by lauren on 1/13/2008 at 20:34.
I mean honestly? What keeps us from putting the noose on and knocking the stool out from underneath? What keeps us from drinking that delicious drano? What stops us from "cleaning that gun"? What makes the fans of Dallas sports stop themselves from jumping in front of that train that crosses over highway 360?
BEATS THE SHIT OUTTA ME!
It'd be easy if you could blame one person, but that whole team lost it. It'd be easy to blame the choke artist Romo (what's up playoff choker ala oldest Manning sibling), hell, it'd be easy to blame the defense, o-line, special teams, coaching staff, ball boys, cheerleaders, little kids who get to go onto the field for contests that involve Dr. Pepper give-aways, or anyone in that stadium (except for me because I screamed so loud every time I breathe deep it feels like the Sparta 300 are attacking my trachea). But the Giants didn't beat them, the Cowboys beat themselves.
But I'm trying to not let the loss ruin my awesome day. Not only did I flip the bird to a child, I also gave a flat tire to a Giants fan in the ladies restroom after complimenting her shoes (I never claimed to be a lady of class or elegance). I drank my weight in free booze at the Miller Lite tailgate tent and flirted my way into some free tickets to something to do with wrestling (I was drunk and thought they were Van Halen tickets) from the 93.3 The Bone give away truck.
Something that did manage to ruin part of the day was the lack of fan support in my section of the stadium. Many times I would be the only one standing, calling for others to get on their feet. But man, I'd rather be the girl with the painted hair, pom-poms flying and screaming for my team than the chump who paid upwards of $150 a seat sitting on my hands doing what I could be doing at home. Fuck. That.
All I can hope for now is Tom Brady, Eli Manning and Jessica Simpson's arms will fall off. Because paraplegics don't know how to rock. And I'd rather rock than win.
The team lost it for themselves, Romo is the new playoff choke artist, I'm rooting for LT because he came from TCU, I'm not going to Cabo this summer, the popcorn was ready for you TO but now you need some Kleenex, my throat is so sore I might OD on throat lozenges, and I might not be able to drink another Sparks because me pee is neon yellow and that can't be good.
But hey, the sun will come up tomorrow. I will go to work, then to school and carry on my wayward son.
Because in the end it could all be worse: I could be a Redskins fan.
Labels: dallas cowboys, ica simpson better watch her back, jessica simpson better watch her back, sad, the only thing that will cheer me up is getting laid
