JESSICA SIMPSON CAN NOT HANG WITH THE BOYS, OR OUT DRINK TONY ROMO

1 Comments Published by lauren on 4/18/2008 at 12:40.

"A source said that hardcore drinking with Tony Romo landed the twat in the hospital. Jessica tried to keep up with Romo and his friends, but she couldn't hang like that." [Dlisted]

According to Star Mag, yes I know, when Jessy-Poo went in for her "kidney infection" it was actually due to "drinking an obscene amount of alcohol."

How much exactly is an obscene amount? I mean, are we talking pitcher after pitcher and shot after shot? Or does this chick just drink a few white wine spritzers and pass out? Honestly, I can't really say shit here. I'm a petite little lady who also can't quite hold her booze. Most of my night's end up passed out threatening to fight the person who is trying to take my drink out of the clutch of death I have on it. Sad, no?

One night when it was just me and the boys, I decided I would show how good I was at keeping up by going toe to toe with them. Later on that night at the late, late hour of 10pm I was passed out in my front lawn. Another time, after work when our boss took us out and was buying I had to again prove my drinking prowess. After a couple of pitchers and way, way, way too many shots, I started hiccuping and convinced myself I should throw up to get rid of them.

Minutes later I was being carried out of the ladies room where I had passed out on the toilet, pants up, with my head on the TP dispenser.

But I still would like to think that I could out drink Tony Romo. Really all I'm saying is, Tony, drop her and go with me. I will at least hang with you longer, and will make for better stories in the morning. Plus, I won't ask you to take me to the hospital. Not when you have a game like you do on Dec. 7th coming up! (There, I tied it all back up in a neat little package that relates to sports. I'm a hero.)

Labels: chronic alcoholism, jessica simpson better watch her back

IT'S BEEN HOW LONG?

0 Comments Published by lauren on 3/03/2008 at 13:45.

How long has it been since Tony and Jessica graced this blog? WHAT?? I let it go on that long? Christ, I must be sick.

Oh shut up out there. I can hear it now, "God, all she does is post about Jessica and Tony. Doesn't she have a life?"

No. No I don't.

"Give it up already, Lauren. You gossip whore."

Hey. Watch it.

"I can't believe those sunglasses. Ugh, that bag. What a man face."

Yes Mandy, I know. But we would SO wear those sunglasses. Tony's jaw looks stronger since he's been dating her. That can only mean one thing. He's been certified for his diving license.

His muff diving license! OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FACE!!!!!1!!!!!!1!!!!

[Popsugar]

Labels: jessica simpson better watch her back, tony and jessica, tony romo

PICTURE OF THE DAY

0 Comments Published by mandy on 2/12/2008 at 18:01.

Tony,

Look to your right. Now look at the sign behind you. Heed it's advice my friend. Nothing good can come from that. Trust me. Look what it's done to you already.

Love,

Mandy (& the sign)

[Source]

Labels: jessica simpson better watch her back, people who have had romo inside them, tony romo, yes this blog really is becoming a romo/simpson watch site

THIS BLOG IS TURNING INTO A ROMO/SIMPSON WATCH SITE

1 Comments Published by lauren on 2/11/2008 at 14:45.

Seriously. I'm sick of it. But I'm too lazy to look for anything else. Bah. It's Monday and I might still be hung-over from Saturday night. So enjoy ripping apart this quote and pictures from #9 and his blonde of the moment.

Marvez: Tony, how do you have to change your life now because of all the attention your relationship with Jessica is getting?

Owens: "I think he's in way over his head."

Romo: "(Smiling) Definitely not. I don't read the stuff like everyone else does, so it doesn't affect me. If I were to watch and read everything that is written and said, as a human being it would probably be difficult...I came to an understanding a little while back that no one is going to remember me in five or seven years anyway so let them talk and say what they want to say. In seven years, I'm going to be off doing whatever and living normal so it's like, 'Work hard. Try to do things right in life and forget about the rest of the junk.'"

And also enjoy this picture of another girl who's had Romo inside her:

Hot pants? CHECK. She looks like a real life Barbie. Dang.

[ED. NOTE: Beretta WINS AT LIFE. He heeded the call of my needing a green team tee shirt from "Legends of the Hidden Temple" and I got it today. You sir, OWN.]

[Romo/Simpson Quote and Pic]

[Carrie Underwood pic]

Labels: jessica simpson better watch her back, people who have had romo inside them, romo

TONY ROMO WILL NOT STOP BELIEVING

0 Comments Published by mandy on 1/31/2008 at 13:25.

Eli might have made it to the Super Bowl,
but goddammit I can still out-karaoke him!

Apparently Tony Romo learned absolutely nothing from either his trip to Mexico with Jessica Simpson or his last visit to Metal Skool, because he was videotaped in public with Jessica Simpson yet again, while singing Journey with Metal Skool after they called him a pussy yet again.

I'm not sure who made the more embarrassing onstage partner, Mr. Belding or Jessica Simpson. Some would argue that having a tranny on stage with you gives it a sort of artsy, cabaret feel, but personally I'd opt for that guy who used to play that principal on that show from the 90s. It's just a little more respectable.

If Roger Goodell is gonna fine guys for silly things like punching strippers, there'd better be a fine for this. Having a room full of people and an 80s cover band call you a pussy just isn't enough.

*EDIT - Now with EVEN MORE awful singing. (Yes, somehow she actually gets paid to do this.)

[Source]

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the other people up there with them are Jessica's bff/sometimes assistant Cacee Cobb and Jessica's main gay/the hairdresser responsible for her brokeass weave, Ken Paves.

Labels: jessica simpson better watch her back, tony romo

TONY AND JESSICA SITTING IN A TREE

3 Comments Published by lauren on 1/29/2008 at 13:41.

Taking in a Metalskool show...oh Tony...will you ever learn? Escorting your drunk, straight to DVD, busted weave girlfriend back to the car.

For shame. Bitch can't hold her booze.

A few days ago when they were allegedly broken up a friend of mine said, "See? Tony doesn't keep any girlfriends. He just keeps bitches he fucks." This friend must be wrong. Oh Tony...I am disappointed. At least when she's drunk she keeps that big 'ole mouth closed. I was about to say something along the lines of "she keeps that mouth full of something" or "at least Tony has done something right this year because that bitch has a huge mouth" but alas...I didn't. I'm getting lazy.

[Dlisted]

Labels: drunk, jessica simpson better watch her back, tony romo

WHAT KEEPS A DALLAS FAN FROM HANGING BY THE NECK UNTIL DEAD?

28 Comments Published by lauren on 1/13/2008 at 20:34.

I mean honestly? What keeps us from putting the noose on and knocking the stool out from underneath? What keeps us from drinking that delicious drano? What stops us from "cleaning that gun"? What makes the fans of Dallas sports stop themselves from jumping in front of that train that crosses over highway 360?

BEATS THE SHIT OUTTA ME!

It'd be easy if you could blame one person, but that whole team lost it. It'd be easy to blame the choke artist Romo (what's up playoff choker ala oldest Manning sibling), hell, it'd be easy to blame the defense, o-line, special teams, coaching staff, ball boys, cheerleaders, little kids who get to go onto the field for contests that involve Dr. Pepper give-aways, or anyone in that stadium (except for me because I screamed so loud every time I breathe deep it feels like the Sparta 300 are attacking my trachea). But the Giants didn't beat them, the Cowboys beat themselves.

But I'm trying to not let the loss ruin my awesome day. Not only did I flip the bird to a child, I also gave a flat tire to a Giants fan in the ladies restroom after complimenting her shoes (I never claimed to be a lady of class or elegance). I drank my weight in free booze at the Miller Lite tailgate tent and flirted my way into some free tickets to something to do with wrestling (I was drunk and thought they were Van Halen tickets) from the 93.3 The Bone give away truck.

Something that did manage to ruin part of the day was the lack of fan support in my section of the stadium. Many times I would be the only one standing, calling for others to get on their feet. But man, I'd rather be the girl with the painted hair, pom-poms flying and screaming for my team than the chump who paid upwards of $150 a seat sitting on my hands doing what I could be doing at home. Fuck. That.

All I can hope for now is Tom Brady, Eli Manning and Jessica Simpson's arms will fall off. Because paraplegics don't know how to rock. And I'd rather rock than win.

The team lost it for themselves, Romo is the new playoff choke artist, I'm rooting for LT because he came from TCU, I'm not going to Cabo this summer, the popcorn was ready for you TO but now you need some Kleenex, my throat is so sore I might OD on throat lozenges, and I might not be able to drink another Sparks because me pee is neon yellow and that can't be good.

But hey, the sun will come up tomorrow. I will go to work, then to school and carry on my wayward son.

Because in the end it could all be worse: I could be a Redskins fan.

Labels: dallas cowboys, ica simpson better watch her back, jessica simpson better watch her back, sad, the only thing that will cheer me up is getting laid

ROMO V. POSTSEASON, 0-2

3 Comments Published by mandy on at 18:55.

Called it. Now shut up about him already.

Who thought Eli would be the Manning to bet on today?!

Any bets on who Jerry Jones will fire tomorrow?

Labels: dallas cowboys, jessica simpson better watch her back, man i hate the cowboys, there is a god, tony romo

COWBOYS GONE WILD!

5 Comments Published by mandy on 1/07/2008 at 18:36.

Dallas Cowboys Tony Romo and Jason Witten enjoyed their bye week by relaxing in Cabo San Lucas this weekend. Instead of making the smart decision and partying it up with Sammy Hagar at the Cabo Wabo Cantina, they instead opted to hang out with everyone's favorite tranny, Jessica Simpson, and her creepy, creepy father. And you thought Romo's play calling was bad last Sunday...

If he keeps up his string of bad decisions and if Jessica Simpson shows up in the stands on Sunday, I'm predicting Giants 56, Cowboys -10. That's not even possible you say? Just wait.

Somewhere Eli Manning is tenting his fingers like Mr. Burns and saying "Excellennnnt."