AKA Christmas Ape.
Most of us know his story by now. (I too would expose my true identity but I hate to risk my lucrative career at Uncle Wayne's Chicken Shack and my weekend gig at Flashdancer) But that isn't why he got picked. #1 He's a Steeler's fan so that was enough for Mandy, #2 he looks really freakin' cute in that picture. And that is enough for me.
He has a nice jaw, I wonder if he knows how to use it...
We'd be happy to offer him a job here, of course the pay is low (Read: Non-existent), you won't actually have anything to do, but there are benefits. Sexy benefits.
Mandy and I require oiled up massages every hour on the hour, and we can't write this sexy stuff without inspiration. Also, we're too lazy to do our weekly breast cancer checks, that would fall to you as well. I need someone to make sure the keg is constantly full and Mandy needs someone to make sure the box of wine always has a full bladder.
It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. And we're looking at you Mr. Tunison.
Labels: make it work, panty creamer
My first wish (to make up for yesterday's absence) is: I would like the Spurs locker room, in whatever arena they are in, to have a constant smell of rotten ass, warm trash, and skunk spray. I want the stench to be so bad it makes them physically ill. I would also like this smell to carry over to their fans. (Not the entire city, I know of Mavs fans that live there). I want the smell to be so horrible their eyes cross and they get really bad headaches.
Now who can make this happen? Eva Longwhoria, I'm looking at you. Open up those legs!
My wish for today:
I want season tickets for life to the new Cowboy's stadium in Arlington. I want a luxury box that is always catered, and the bar is always full. And I want to be able to have as many people in there as I want whenever I want. It should also have a hot tub in there. And a Ben and Jerry's attached.
Now who can make this happen? That's right, the double J.
*-Really drunk last night
Labels: happy birthday, lauren's wishlist, make it work
