So hey guys, what's new with you? What's been going on lately?


What's been going on with me?


Oh you know....nothing much really...just went on a little vacation...Um, it was pretty fun I guess. Went to Branson and saw Michael Martin Murphy. Who doesn't love that song Wildfire, right?

Yeah... and I went to Graceland....That was cool I guess.....umm.....visited Antarctica....thought I saw Bear Grylls ravaging a deer carcass....Weird... Oh, and I went to Hawaii! Or at least I think it was Hawaii... it was tropical and there were 4-assed monkeys running around....


That's Hawaii right?.... And then there was the chicken fa.....y'know I don't really want to talk about this anymore. In fact, let's never speak of this again. What matters is that I'm back and that everything will be back to normal soon.

Yes, everything will be back to normal. You're fine Mandy. It's ok. It was all just a dream. Everything's all right now. You're back home and you're with Lauren and everything is just fine. No one's ever going to hurt you again. Lauren will protect you. Everything's going to be....just....fine. Go ahead, take a deep breath. You're ok. Just breathe. Everything's fine people. I'm back. And everything's fine. I'll never leave you again.

Labels: chris kaman, i might still be catatonic, mandy's one true love, missing mandy, where in the world is mandy sandiego

When last I left you I had battled evil forces in Branson. But I was not prepared for even darker forces that waited for me...in Graceland. *dun dun dun*

June 20th, 2007 8:00 am

I spent the night in my car. I haven't had a beer in two days. I'm starting to feel it.

When I arrived at Graceland I wasn't sure where to start...clearly if someone as boring and lackluster as Kaman was in charge of the outing then they had to have gone on a tour. But which one? Elvis after dark? The Auto museum? I was so confused. And then I remembered something I had heard on the travel channel: Graceland has a wedding chapel in the woods! Noooo! All of my greatest fears rushed past me at once...had she married Kaman in the Graceland chapel???

A check of the guest book calmed me down. No, no they had not. With Mandy no where in sight and no clues to be found, I marked Graceland in the loss column and went on my way.

Unsure of where to go next I decided to take my time leaving Graceland. There was a lot to be seen after all and I’m sure Mandy was in no real danger (especially no real sexy danger) I might as well take my time and see the sights. I mean, how often do I hang out at Elvis’ house? Not often enough friend! As I was strolling past the hall of jumpsuits I remembered I hadn’t checked my email in over 24 hours and it hit me! I have access to all of Mandy's finances online!

One day at my house she left her facebook open on my computer. From there I was not only able to send hilarious messages to people on her friends list, I was also able to hack into her bank account. Maybe I can find where she's been by looking at her bank statement just like they do on the TV crime dramas...

I found a computer and it worked! Plane tickets had been purchased (you'd think he would've bought the tickets but that's where you would be wrong, moron) and they were headed to...

ANTARCTICA!

Labels: adventures, chris kaman, flirtin' with disaster, mandy's one true love, mandy's sexiness, where in the world is mandy sandiego

After clearing my head for about an hour I had finally come up with another place to look for her. Where would a wholesome, God fearing' farm boy run away to...it would have to be some place equal parts cheesy and hokey...and then it came to me all at once: Branson, MO!June 19th, 2007 5:00 pm - We're goin' to Branson to put on a show!

I had arrived in Branson. It was a strange land. It was like Las Vegas for old people. And it smelled funny. If I know Mandy, and I think I do, she probably thought this place was hell on earth. If he had brought her here she wouldn't have stayed long. I was about to run away screaming when walking near a tree I saw something strange...

All the proof I needed! She had been here...and professed her undying love for Kaman by defacing a tree! After snapping the above photo I received a text from Mandy: "Greetings from Graceland! Wish you were here!"

Graceland?!?!?!? What in the thunder had gotten into her? Kaman must have her under some kind of spell...

On to Graceland!

Labels: laurens awesome paint skills, mandy's one true love, missing mandy, where in the world is mandy sandiego

So it's totally like me to lose stuff. My friends once told me that I should have clothes made of Velcro so I could just stick my keys, credit card, cell phone and other things on my person. Therefore I'm really not surprised that I misplaced Mandy.

What does surprise me is where I found her. It's been a long 2 days, but I made the journey to find and rescue my BFF and partner in crime. Would you like to hear the tale? Gather round children, but I warn you now: Unlike us, it won't be pretty.

Tuesday June 19th, 2007 9:30am - Discover Mandy has been gone for a few weeks

First I needed to think of possible places Mandy could be:

• Orange Julius
• Ben Roethlisberger's house
• The circus
• North Carolina stalking Bill Cowher
• Las Vegas
• FAO Schwarz
• White Castle
• San Antonio

I thought I had made an excellent list of places to look for her. Using my Dog the Bounty Hunter like skills I set out to Ridgmar Mall to the Orange Julius to start the search. Halfway to the mall it hit me that I should probably start looking for her at her house and that the list I made was ridiculous. And by ridiculous I mean awesome.

June 17th, 2007 10:30 am - The search is in action

Arrive at Mandy's house...she is no where to be found. Her cat, TimTim, leads me to my first clue: A lock of blond hair. Blond? Mandy is a redhead...could she have colored her hair back to her natural color in order to escape north Texas without being recognized? Surely not. But that's when I noticed something strange in her bedroom. A CLIPPER'S JERSEY. And who's jersey could it be? None other than freak show himself, KAMAN.

I fell to my knees, fists pumping in the air! KAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAN!!!

Clearly she had been kidnapped. Or had she? Had she been planing to run away with Kaman for months now? Had our friendship and this blog just been a sick facade to get her closer to the blond god? I hope it isn't true. The stomach churns and the mind reels just thinking about her sick obsession with Kaman.

June 17, 2007 11:45 am - Heading for first destination

After the shock wore off I started to form a plan. If I were Chris Kaman...where would I take my newest love conquest? I thought back to a night where Mandy was going on and on about Kaman (she really wouldn't shut up about him, how could I have not seen this coming? I am a fool.) and remembered he was raised on a chicken farm. Obviously he must have taken her to this farm! I knew what I had to do.

June 17, 2007 3:00 pm - Arrive at chicken farm

I found the Kaman family chicken farm really fast. I am a super sleuth. I should probably have a show on the Discovery Channel. Chicken farm is deserted...but my spirits stay high. I surveyed the area and in the corner of my eye notice something that looks strangely out of place: A terrible towel! Mandy had been here! I put the terrible towel to my cheek and it was like I was holding her...uh...again. I got in my car and needed to clear my head and rest a bit.

(Stay tuned for more of "Missing Mandy"...)

Labels: dog the bounty hunter references, mandy's one true love, missing mandy, where in the world is mandy sandiego

Every week Mandy and I try to send our love out to a very deserving someone. Well something different hap pend this week. Today is my fiery partner in crimes birthday. I was going to put up some ridiculous photo of a cake shaped like a vagina, but stopped when I checked my email.

In my inbox there was a love letter. I wasn't surprised. Readers send us mail everyday telling us how much they love our boobs us. But this letter was different. I could tell it really came from the heart.

So this week instead of a love letter to a hot dude in the sports world, the love letter is to the birthday girl from her one and only true love, Chris Kaman.

My dearest Mandy,

This year on your birthday I really wanted you to realize the love I have for you. It runs deeper than most rivers and is a love so pure and clean it's almost heavenly.

I long for the day when I am able to hold you in my arms and feel your fingers glide through my gorgeous, silky, blond locks. I want to gaze into your beautiful eyes and whisper sweet nothings into your ear.

I've been around the world and met tons of beautiful ladies, but none compare to you. I'm ready to settle down and decided to take you as my wife, partner and friend. We are clearly soul mates put on this earth to find one another. You see my sweet Mandy, I believe in fate. And fate has led me to your beautiful embrace.


I am having a hard time telling you what I feel so I wrote you a song to express some of the emotions I have for you. I hope you enjoy it...

You can't resist me.
I'm in your bones.
I am your marrow
And your ride home.

You can't avoid me.
I'm in the air...
in the air
In between molecules of
Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide.

Only in dreams
We see what it means.
Reach out our hands.
Hold onto mine.
But when we wake
It's all been erased.
And so it seems
Only in dreams.

You walk up to me.
Ask me to dance.
I says, "Hey, baby, I just might take the chance."
You say, "It's a good thing
That you float in the air... in the air.
That way there's no way I will crush your pretty toenails into a thousand pieces."

It's all for you baby.

On this very special day I want you to know that I'm your present. Unwrap me and do as you please.

I have a feeling you're really gonna like this package.

With all the love that I posses,


Snuggle Bunny Kaman







(Uh, wow. Thanks Chris. That was...uh...sweet of you. I'm sure Mandy will totally be into it. I'm pretty sure you didn't write that song though, buddy. )

Labels: mandy's one true love, mandy's sexiness

The Sports Hernia has offered up possible excuses as to why the Clippers just didn't quite make it to the playoffs.

Among them:

- Kaman too worried about Sam 'Gollum' Cassell trying to steal his 'precious' magnet nuts

But I think we all know the reason why the Clippers didn't make the playoffs. And that reason just happens to be my partner on this site.

You may know her as the other HBIC of Girls Gone Sports, Mandy.

Her undying love for The Kaman proved to be the Clippers Achilles heel. I think you would be distracted too if you had love rays pouring out at you from that crazy red head.

Poor Kaman. He never stood a chance.

Labels: chris kaman, mandy's one true love, nba

Because you know I can never get enough Kaman, here's a recent NBATV piece about how Chris Kaman and his team deals with his Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. (So that's why he's been a completely unfocused mess on the court this year??) Take note of the incredibly melodramatic score. It's not cancer NBATV, it's ADHD.





[My Kaman fix was supplied by AOL Fanhouse]

Labels: chris kaman, mandy's one true love, random

The Sports Hernia gives us this report today about the possible magical powers of Chris Kaman's nuts.

Labels: chris kaman, mandy's one true love

For some reason unbeknownst to me Lauren insists that I am in love with Chris Kaman. Although, given his model good looks and the sexy coiffures he sports, how could she not assume I was infatuated with the man?


Since I'm so totally enamored with him, you can imagine how thrilled I was to discover that he has a blog. It's not quite as crazy as Gilbert Arenas' blog, but he does give us insights into his trucking company Kaman Transportation, his movie reviews (he liked the Devil Wears Prada), and his much talked about haircut from earlier this season. Plus there are plenty of photos to add to my collection of masturbatory material. Sweet.

Also, Mavs fans can check out Jerry "Cro-Magnon Man" Stackhouse's blog. There's a link to video of him singing the national anthem at a Mav's home game that you should check out if you missed it the first time. Brother's got soul.


[Thanks to the sexy stallions over @ The Big Lead for this gem]

Labels: blogging, chris kaman, mandy's one true love, nba