Happy Birthday baby! All my love! - Big Ben

OH NO YOU DON'T BEN! NO ONE TOUCHES MY MANDY! ARRRRGHHHH! FEEL THE RATH OF THE KAMAN! SHE WILL BE MINE!!! ARRRGHHH!!!! - Chris Kaman

Anyways, happy birthday to this blogs better half! I have this cake waiting for you when you come home...giggity...

Leave the birthday girl some love in the comments!

Labels: happy birthday, mandy's sexiness

The similarities are ridiculous.

Labels: cheerleaders, mandy's sexiness, pittsburgh steelers

When last I left you I had battled evil forces in Branson. But I was not prepared for even darker forces that waited for me...in Graceland. *dun dun dun*

June 20th, 2007 8:00 am

I spent the night in my car. I haven't had a beer in two days. I'm starting to feel it.

When I arrived at Graceland I wasn't sure where to start...clearly if someone as boring and lackluster as Kaman was in charge of the outing then they had to have gone on a tour. But which one? Elvis after dark? The Auto museum? I was so confused. And then I remembered something I had heard on the travel channel: Graceland has a wedding chapel in the woods! Noooo! All of my greatest fears rushed past me at once...had she married Kaman in the Graceland chapel???

A check of the guest book calmed me down. No, no they had not. With Mandy no where in sight and no clues to be found, I marked Graceland in the loss column and went on my way.

Unsure of where to go next I decided to take my time leaving Graceland. There was a lot to be seen after all and I’m sure Mandy was in no real danger (especially no real sexy danger) I might as well take my time and see the sights. I mean, how often do I hang out at Elvis’ house? Not often enough friend! As I was strolling past the hall of jumpsuits I remembered I hadn’t checked my email in over 24 hours and it hit me! I have access to all of Mandy's finances online!

One day at my house she left her facebook open on my computer. From there I was not only able to send hilarious messages to people on her friends list, I was also able to hack into her bank account. Maybe I can find where she's been by looking at her bank statement just like they do on the TV crime dramas...

I found a computer and it worked! Plane tickets had been purchased (you'd think he would've bought the tickets but that's where you would be wrong, moron) and they were headed to...

ANTARCTICA!

Labels: adventures, chris kaman, flirtin' with disaster, mandy's one true love, mandy's sexiness, where in the world is mandy sandiego

Uh, has anyone seen Mandy?


I swear I turned my head for one minute and she's gone.

Labels: mandy's sexiness, where in the world is mandy sandiego

Every week Mandy and I try to send our love out to a very deserving someone. Well something different hap pend this week. Today is my fiery partner in crimes birthday. I was going to put up some ridiculous photo of a cake shaped like a vagina, but stopped when I checked my email.

In my inbox there was a love letter. I wasn't surprised. Readers send us mail everyday telling us how much they love our boobs us. But this letter was different. I could tell it really came from the heart.

So this week instead of a love letter to a hot dude in the sports world, the love letter is to the birthday girl from her one and only true love, Chris Kaman.

My dearest Mandy,

This year on your birthday I really wanted you to realize the love I have for you. It runs deeper than most rivers and is a love so pure and clean it's almost heavenly.

I long for the day when I am able to hold you in my arms and feel your fingers glide through my gorgeous, silky, blond locks. I want to gaze into your beautiful eyes and whisper sweet nothings into your ear.

I've been around the world and met tons of beautiful ladies, but none compare to you. I'm ready to settle down and decided to take you as my wife, partner and friend. We are clearly soul mates put on this earth to find one another. You see my sweet Mandy, I believe in fate. And fate has led me to your beautiful embrace.


I am having a hard time telling you what I feel so I wrote you a song to express some of the emotions I have for you. I hope you enjoy it...

You can't resist me.
I'm in your bones.
I am your marrow
And your ride home.

You can't avoid me.
I'm in the air...
in the air
In between molecules of
Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide.

Only in dreams
We see what it means.
Reach out our hands.
Hold onto mine.
But when we wake
It's all been erased.
And so it seems
Only in dreams.

You walk up to me.
Ask me to dance.
I says, "Hey, baby, I just might take the chance."
You say, "It's a good thing
That you float in the air... in the air.
That way there's no way I will crush your pretty toenails into a thousand pieces."

It's all for you baby.

On this very special day I want you to know that I'm your present. Unwrap me and do as you please.

I have a feeling you're really gonna like this package.

With all the love that I posses,


Snuggle Bunny Kaman







(Uh, wow. Thanks Chris. That was...uh...sweet of you. I'm sure Mandy will totally be into it. I'm pretty sure you didn't write that song though, buddy. )

Labels: mandy's one true love, mandy's sexiness

My partner in life crime is kicking a lot of ass on the sportsocracy's celeb bracket thing.

Take that, haters.

Not only is she smarter and prettier than you, she is also better at picking teams than you.

I guess you could say Mandy has out whataburgered the other celebs on that bracket. Harumph harumph harumph.

I am the funniest person alive.

Labels: brackets, mandy's sexiness, ncaa