AKA Christmas Ape.
Most of us know his story by now. (I too would expose my true identity but I hate to risk my lucrative career at Uncle Wayne's Chicken Shack and my weekend gig at Flashdancer) But that isn't why he got picked. #1 He's a Steeler's fan so that was enough for Mandy, #2 he looks really freakin' cute in that picture. And that is enough for me.
He has a nice jaw, I wonder if he knows how to use it...
We'd be happy to offer him a job here, of course the pay is low (Read: Non-existent), you won't actually have anything to do, but there are benefits. Sexy benefits.
Mandy and I require oiled up massages every hour on the hour, and we can't write this sexy stuff without inspiration. Also, we're too lazy to do our weekly breast cancer checks, that would fall to you as well. I need someone to make sure the keg is constantly full and Mandy needs someone to make sure the box of wine always has a full bladder.
It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. And we're looking at you Mr. Tunison.
Labels: make it work, panty creamer
Oui, oui.
French tennis player. French accent. Cheese and wine. Christian Louboutin shoes....oh, I'm sorry...what? I'm doing the PCoftheW? Whoops. Right then, if his accent isn't enough to make us cum, the good looks will. And don't French men inherently know how to use their racket and balls? J'aime Arnaud. Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
And here he is with the Olympic torch in France. Where the path was re-routed three times. And I know there is a ton of controversy surrounding this year's Olympics, but I have to be honest: I'm really freakin' ready for them. And if the Olympic committee needs assistance moving the games somewhere, might I suggest beautiful Arlington, Texas. No, we may not be able to accommodate all the sports, but I can at least offer up lodging to any water polo players that might need it. Yowza.
[Picture and info]
Labels: panty creamer
He's the ref from American Gladiators and Dodgeball: A true underdog story. He is an actor, an officiating umpire, producer and an officiating analyst. He wears many hats.
I wanna pick his brain.
Labels: panty creamer
He's Mr. February at Chippendales. Normally male strippers don't do anything for me. There is just something about "swinging dick time" that makes me weirded out. But he meets all the criteria for being a Panty Creamer:
1) Does the applicant have anything to do with sports? Yes. He is holding a football.
2) Does the applicant have what it takes to whip up some panty pudding? Check and check. (That was hard to type with one hand.)
[Holla at Breena for the awesome tip! Holla holla holla holla holla!]
Labels: panty creamer, swinging dick time
PANTY CREAMERS OF THE WEEK: GETTING THAT BITTER TASTE OUT OF OUR MOUTHS
8 Comments Published by lauren on 1/14/2008 at 11:57.
Tommy Hass outta do it. But just in case...
Manuele Blasi, Gennaro Gattuso, Andrea Pirlo, Gianluca Zambrotta, Fabio Cannavaro outta do the trick. They are old photos but nothing says I'm getting over my favorite team's loss like Italian soccer players modeling Dolce and Gabbana underwear.
Labels: german jizz probably tastes like beer mmmm, italian soccer players in their underoos, panty creamer
It's a tie this week. Because I can't control myself.
Wolf, Toa, and Justice from American Gladiators.
Wolf looks like the homeless man that was in the bar I was at Friday night. I'm pretty sure Toa got his tribal tattoos at 360 Blues and tattoos here in Arlington. And Justice has a mohawk.
But their cast bios are even better:
"Able to smell fear and always going for the jugular, Wolf is 230-pounds of primal fury. He will ferociously defend his turf... and thrives on the opportunity to sink his teeth into any challenge."
"Drawing on the power of his ancestors, Toa has the strength of a thousand warriors flowing through his veins, and he will never, ever show mercy."
"Justice does indeed have a very long arm, and he'll pursue any adversary to the ends of the earth to prove it. Ask any of his opponents and they'll tell you that sometimes Justice hurts, and the scales always tip in his favor. "
Holy moly that is amazing.
Labels: american gladiators was dumb when i was 6 and it is still dumb, disturbing images i apologize for, how hard can it be to climb the pyramid, panty creamer
Labels: disturbing images i apologize for, group sex, panty creamer
You might remember Jay from a post waaay back when. He was the poor baseball player that I was drunkenly harassing on the field.
A few days ago we got a lovely email from him. His brother had seen the post and read it and thought it was funny. He actually does remember someone yelling at him during the game. He's the 1st ever athlete that has sent us an email after seeing his post. That's why this week, he's got my undies all moist.
You don't see Dirk, or Becks, or Big Ben, or any of them writing us. Nooooo...they're too busy. We offer them promises of pleasure, the never ending cascade of our affections, a ticket to the all night party that is Mandy and Lauren, and so much more. And what do we get? Nothing from them.
I noticed this quote on his player page from http://www.saltdogs.com/:
Yaconetti is Yaconetti. He’s going to get balls. He’s going to stop balls with his teeth. However it looks, he gets it done. And he gets big base hits.
That's funny that we have so much in common. Oh, I'll get your balls. I won't stop 'em with my teeth, well maybe just a little, and no matter what I'll get it done. And rest assured the base hit will be big.
Labels: 3rd base, ball games of all kinds, panty creamer
Labels: in need of a cold shower, panty creamer
While some college athletes are busy getting arrested, Colt just does one thing, and he does it well: Making my panties moist. And that my friends, is quite a joy. I've had a rough week, two tests in school, work was particularly trying, my hair is in this weird "I'm growing it out but it's hard to fix" faze...And then a lovely picture of Colt comes across my screen...and KA-POW! Everything is tingly.
Labels: colt brennan, girl boner, hot, panty creamer
While Mark Philippoussis picked the kitten, Salty picked the cougar. And impregnated her. And went to the same high school as her (she was a teacher, he was student). And because I always look for some reason to reference Van Halen, Salty had it bad, had it bad, had it bad, he was hot for teacher.
He's freakin' hot. Married doesn't stop me. His last name is the longest in MLB history and I can only wonder what else on him is long.
No matter how many times I see and hear his name I will refer to him as Saltimbocca. It's my favorite place to eat Bruschetta and it's easier to say.
He can do that to my bottom lip anytime...mmmm...I love the taste of salty stuff...all sorts of salty stuff...
"That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!"
Labels: futurama refrences, panty creamer, salty, van halen
"I feel good," Blake told reporters on Friday after being seeded second for the ATP event at the Los Angeles Tennis Center from July 16 to 22. "Being back on the hard court gives me the same feeling as last year coming in to Indianapolis. It's clearly my favorite time of year, my favorite events and favorite surface. "Any time I get that anxious, excited feeling to be on the court, I feel like I'm going to be pretty dangerous."
"And I think I have a chance but I'm not going to panic. I'm not going to worry if the first couple (of tournaments) I don't go deep. I know I have the ability to do it.
"It's just a matter of staying patient and being aggressive."
Kekekekekekekek!!!!!1!!!!one!!!!1
Labels: case of the mondays, panty creamer, tennis players are so fuckable
Yes ma'am.
Labels: panty creamer
Never heard of him. But reader tips for Panty Creamers are always welcome.
Plays in the AFL. Hell, he could play the quiet game for all I care.
EDIT!: Plays for the Australian Football League. Not the Arena Football League. I was a little too busy picturing him tied to my bed to do any sort of research.
Labels: panty creamer
Lauren and I both have a thing for guys with mountain man beards (seriously*), so when we watched UFC 70 (yeah, we watched UFC 70 together...) we were both hella turned on when we discovered Andrei Arlovski. In addition to rocking some awesome facial hair, he's tall, he's built, his ass looks great in spandex, and he'll fucking kick your ass.
We both like it a little rough in the sack and given the amount of sports/bar-related fights we get into we probably need someone who could defend our honor if necessary. I'm pretty sure Arlovski can deliver on both fronts. Particulary the bedroom duties - after all he is sponsored by Condom Depot (kinda NSFW).
He's also nicknamed "The Pitbull," which I don't really understand, but I think might be sexy. Oh, and he's banging this broad right now, which means he likes 'em young and slutty, which is totally where Lauren and I come in.
*but no, we don't think Kyle Orton is hot - so don't even go there assholes
Labels: andrei arlovski, jeremiah johnson beard, panty creamer
Known for aggression and toughness. Two things that are needed to be a footballer and two things that are needed when you are ripping my shirt off throwing me onto the bed.
Fact: He wears the No. 30 guernsey
Fact: He attacks shop attendants
Fact: I can stick my entire fist in my mouth
Fact: He received a nomination for the Rising Star award in 2002
Fact: Australian accents will get you EVERYWHERE. (And by everywhere I mean in my pants.)
Now if you'll excuse me, it's about to get quite creamy in here.
[Bio source]
Edit: I don't know what was wrong with that first pic. Too bad we had to go with a smaller one...
Labels: panty creamer
Take a moment. Let it soak in...I think I just came.
We wanna play mixed doubles with you. I can predict the final score: Love-Love.
Just step into our service box and make sure you hit the sweet spot. We've been working on our backhands and forehands; we'd like to help you with your stroke.
After just a couple of sets your woodshot will be so hard it'll be tough for you to stick the volley. But that's ok with us, just so long as you get us to the Grand Slam.
Advantage: Lauren and Mandy
Game. Set. Match. I think I need a cigarette.
Labels: masturbate and cry, panty creamer, rafael nadal, tennis
Michael Owen.
I could write something about him or I could just sit here and stare at his picture. Yeeaaaahhhhhh.....I think I'm gonna go with the latter.
It's too hard to type with one hand anyways.
Line. Crossed it. Gross.
Labels: masturbate and cry, michael owen, panty creamer, soccer, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity
Mike Modano.I'm pretty sure the picture gives enough reason as to why Mandy and I must change our panties after watching Stars games.
But in case that isn't enough he also notched the 505th goal of his career the other night to extend his record for U.S.-born players. He now has 20 goals, 19 assists and 39 points in 53 games this season.
Unfortunately he's engaged to Willa Ford. She’s hot, but I know for a fact I saw at least 4 way more hot girls on my way to school today. I also passed 4 mirrors en route. Coincidence? I think not.
[source]
Labels: dallas stars, hot, mike modano, nhl, panty creamer, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity
Obvious. I know.But it's my panties. So I get to pick.
Labels: hot, lauren's future husband, panty creamer, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity
