So today's news comes to you in the form of one giant post! Hooray!
#1 - STARS WIN!
Made it out of the first round!
#2 - Eli Manning tied the knot!
Kudos on the dress, Mrs. Manning.
#3 - Tony Romo had a birthday!
While I was out celebrating a friends 25th bday at a place that serves $1 Coors Original, Romo was getting his face licked by girlfriend Jessica Simpson.
#4 - Everyone's favorite Cowboy is getting his own reality show.
On E!. Shooting in Miami? Wow. Color me shocked.
BREAKING NEWS: Anyone can have a reality show if they ask nice enough.
That'll do it for me today. I have three tests in a row this week, and finals hasn't even started yet. Hooray! If anyone needs me I'll either have my nose in a book or I will be nose diving into a bottle of Tequila.
Thanks to D Mag for the Romo pics and David Rubini for the TO tip!!!
[Stars pic - G.J. McCarthy / DMN Photo Staff]
Labels: links, phoning it in
Tom Brady wears the latest in boot fashion from Valentino's good bye line... [Dan Shanoff]
Really, Osi should be with Kim Kardashian, not Reggie Bush. She's already proved she likes potty time on her body. But here she is with the Bush man at Sundance...[With Leather]
David Beckham whips up some panty pudding for me while in Sierra Leone for UNICEF...[Jezebel]

Labels: down with the sickness, links, phoning it in
Some of you are new around these parts and may not have read some of our stuff from a few months ago. So, to tide you over until we can have some sort of order around here, enjoy this "greatest hits" list so far:
The NFL MVP33N (Quite possibly the best thing on this site besides our tits)
The face of Clearly Canadian (and one that only a mother could love)
Mandy's hatred for the female sports writer (brilliant)
What to do in case we die (the first no sports, no shirt, no problem)
The love letter that launched 1,000 restraining orders (This is how we lost our innocence)
The Cock Draft (self-explanatory, a post that required a trip to the grocery store)
The re-intro (or how we started a post with a Jay-Z rip off)
That about does it.
Labels: links, phoning it in
*Dwyane Wade's house if for sale if you're interested. In Spider-Man themed bathrooms and giant murals of him, that is. [Luxist]
*First Mavs bloopers, now Lebron James singing Stayin' Alive. Poorly. [The Basketball Jones]
*Awful Announcing found a gnarly high school basketball injury on par with Shaun Livingston's. First you hear it, then you see it. [Awful Announcing]
*Henry Abbott scores an interview with Josh Howard. Highlight: Josh admits he's a midnight toker. [TrueHoop]
*2007's Unsexiest Men in Sports. How is Ronaldinho only #55? [The Phoenix]
*A good explanation of that whole Curt Schilling sock debacle. Or is it desockle? [Larry Brown Sports]
*The L.A. Times single-handedly doubling the number of transsexual professional sportswriters [Deadspin]
*Will A-Rod become baseball's most loved player? [Rumors and Rants]
*This is so something Lauren and I would do. [Wizard of Odds]
*Your weekly Beckham update: he's platinum blonde now and looking gayer than ever [Just Jared]
*Buy Michael Strahan's shit. No? Well, then how 'bout a Red Sox '04 World Series Ring? Only $53,877.77 [With Leather, Sports by Brooks]
*The debate over the hottest girlfriends/wives in sports rages on. [Our Book of Scrap]
*Seung-Hui Cho apparently not a football fan. [The Red and Black]
*Just in time for Cinco de Mustache [WBRS Sports Blog]
*How Matt Millen is preparing for the draft - his top secret draft notes [Ghosts of Wayne Fontes]
*Don't forget kids, it's draft weekend, which means one thing - Mel Kiper! [The Sports Hernia]
Labels: links, phoning it in
*A look at the NBA MVP race by the numbers. [Mavs Moneyball]
*Kurt Vonnegut wrote for Sports Illustrated? Who knew? [The Wade Blogs]
*Gary Sheffield's wife got it on with R. Kelly. Predictably, it was videotaped. [Sports by Brooks]

*More fun with NFL Family Circus over at KSK. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
*Dennis Rodman coaches a dwarf basketball team. [The Basketball Jones]
*Joey Porter apologizes? How anti-climactic. [ESPN]
*Britney Spears is not dating L.A. Laker Luke Walton [We are the Postmen]
*Pacman Jones and Chris Henry as Batman and Robin. [Bang!]
*What Pacman will be doing with his year off. [Lt. Winslow, AOL Fanhouse]
*Jason Whitlock on Don Imus and on the Rev. Al & Jesse Jackson.
Rather than inspire us to seize hard-earned opportunities, Jesse and Al have specialized in blackmailing white folks for profit and attention. They were at it again last week, helping to turn radio shock jock Don Imus’ stupidity into a world-wide crisisI just find it funny that two guys who won't give anything more than half-hearted apologies for their anti-semitic slurs (see the "Hymie Town" incident or some of Sharpton's comments) have no problem leading a crusade against Don Imus for an off-color remark he's apologized up and down for. (In case you live under a rock, Imus was fired.)
And just because, check out this high school hockey check that shatters the glass:
[Video via AOL Fanhouse]
Labels: links, phoning it in
Alright here's the deal. I'm still hungover from that Stars game I stayed up to watch. I was gonna write a lovely anecdote about how a few years ago I did the Richard Petty driving experience with my dad and brother and how awesome I was at riding in a fast car. But all I really wanna do is eat some greasy food, drink a gallon of orange Gatorade and pass the hell out.
Here just enjoy this picture of Jessica Biel:

I don't mind putting her up on here because Mandy and I both appreciate girls that got that booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere. Yeah, we got back and front.
Jessica was recently voted Stuff magazine's sexiest woman. They must have missed all your write in votes for me.
Labels: lezzzin out, nascar, phoning it in

Lauren is out of commission right now as she came down with
*Despite my general indifference to college hoops, I totally 0wn3d the Pittsburgh Celebrity NCAA Pool. Feel free to remind me that I rock, but trust me, I already know. [Sportsocracy]
*Cincinnati's mayor deserves an honorary Cy Young Award. [Sports Unfiltered]
*Reggie Bush probably maybe not banned from Playboy Mansion possibly [AOL Fanhouse]
*Now Dontrelle Willis is making it rain. [Larry Brown Sports]
*Matt steals
*Now that's a Cardinals fan. [Deadspin]
*An interesting look at Dirk and the MVP race [Mavs Moneyball]
*Pacman Jones is smart, Roger Goodell probably smarter. [AOL Fanhouse]
*50 Best NBA Commercials of All Time (Man I miss Gheorghe Muresan...) [Both Teams Played Hard]
*The 10 Worst Baseball Announcers of All-Time [Maxim]
*Billy Packer "tarded out" for a minute. [Deadspin]
*Why do sports bloggers do it? [The Big Lead]
Oh yeah, and the Masters start tomorrow. I'd post more about it, but I don't really consider golf a sport. If you can play it without breaking a sweat and then go out to dinner in your "uniform" afterwards - it's not really a sport. It's just a nice talent. A talent that pays unreasonably well.
[Image above via Lookout Landing]
Labels: links, phoning it in
Southpaw NYC has a funny cartoon about Sportscenter. The scroll is my favorite. [Youtube]
Dirk's injury caused him to miss his 15,000th point last night. Again, I apologize for the fact that I am so good looking he couldn't stop thinking about me. It's a curse, really. Why God did you have to curse me with this face? And these amazing boobs? WHY? [DMN via Mavs Money Ball]
And in other random sports news: Erin Andrews and I were in the same sorority.
Labels: links, phoning it in
Peyton Manning's Super Sweet 16 [Deadspin]
Vocabulary Lessons with Pacman Jones. Yikes! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Worst dunk ever. [YouTube by way of True Hoop]
Kevin McHale best general manager in...what? (On a side note, if the list had been changed to drunkest general managers in sports Donnie Nelson would have moved up a spot or 40) [Forbes]
Ron Artest moves from animal neglect to domestic violence [ESPN]
A Steeler got arrested. And it wasn't Santonio Holmes! Or a pissed off J-Peezy!
David Beckham hurts knee, shills for Adidas with Scooby Doo. [AOL Fanhouse, Soccerblog.com]
Labels: case of the mondays, links, phoning it in

