When we aren't busy watching countless hours of porn sports and drinking amazing amounts of beer, we (like most girls) dream of that perfect guy out there just waiting to sweep us off our feet...okay, that's a lie. Lemme try this again...
When we aren't busy watching countless hours ofporn sports and drinking amazing amounts of beer, we dream of those perfect guys out there just waiting to have amazing sex with us. There. That's more like it. So in the hopes of reeling in one of these fine specimens that we wanna lay we're sending them love letters. This week it's our favorite teenage hockey star, Sidney Crosby.
Dear Sidney,
When you were first drafted it would have been illegal for us (in most states) to have the impure thoughts we have when we dream about you. But now, it's completely fine in the eyes of the law.
Now don't be scared. Mandy and I are just here to teach you the ways of the world. You need experienced women to take care of you. Not only can we show you a thing or two (or 20 or 60) in the bedroom, we can also buy you beer.
I bet you're nervous. It's ok. We're a little nervous too. Just come sit down by us and we'll sing you a little song...
Come to my place
We can talk it over
Oh everything going down in your head
He said take it easy
I need some time
Time to work it out
To make you mine
And just when I thought
He was comin' to my door
He whispered sweet
And brought me to the floor (He said)
I'm only nineteen
You ain't seen love
Ain't seen nothing like me
He's only nineteen
Nineteen Feel better? Yeah, Winger does that to us too. Now just lay back, and let us take care of you.
Love,
xoxo
Lauren Polanski and Mandy Lee Lewis
[creepy song lyrics provided by Winger]
When we aren't busy watching countless hours of
Dear Sidney,
When you were first drafted it would have been illegal for us (in most states) to have the impure thoughts we have when we dream about you. But now, it's completely fine in the eyes of the law.
Now don't be scared. Mandy and I are just here to teach you the ways of the world. You need experienced women to take care of you. Not only can we show you a thing or two (or 20 or 60) in the bedroom, we can also buy you beer.
I bet you're nervous. It's ok. We're a little nervous too. Just come sit down by us and we'll sing you a little song...
We can talk it over
Oh everything going down in your head
He said take it easy
I need some time
Time to work it out
To make you mine
And just when I thought
He was comin' to my door
He whispered sweet
And brought me to the floor (He said)
I'm only nineteen
You ain't seen love
Ain't seen nothing like me
He's only nineteen
Nineteen
Love,
xoxo
Lauren Polanski and Mandy Lee Lewis
[creepy song lyrics provided by Winger]
Labels: love letters, sidney crosby
