We’re going to the first preseason game against the Colts and I’m trying to get us geared up and ready. A little over a week ago I read about Phil Garner and his idea to place a voodoo curse on Carlos Zambrano. This got me thinking…what in the black arts could I do to help my beloved Boys this season?
Lucky for me, a framed picture of Tony Romo fell into my lap.
Each night I light candles around it chanting various things about “not sucking” and “not fucking this up.” I kiss it each night before I go to sleep and I occasionally sprinkle it with a potion I made out of High Life (holy water), my perfume (Chanel), Powerade (for the sport liquid), a ground up hydrocodone (borrowed from TO), and a pinch of sea salt (for flavor).
Sometimes I turn the lights down really low and softly play Journey’s “Don’t stop believing.”
So if you do really well this season Tony, you’re welcome. And if you don’t, I’ve wasted good High Life.
[Shout out to Shaun for the Romo pic. Readers who give us stuff are the tits.]
Labels: dallas cowboys, high life, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity, tony romo
Oh to be the lid on that coffee cup.............
And just so I'm not posting pictures of him just to be posting them:
"...it appears quite possible that Beckham will not make his debut for the Galaxy
against Chelsea at the Home Depot Center on Saturday as planned. Everything
depends on the status of his injured left ankle, and on Monday it was still
swollen and sore."
Alright, that's it. I'm on my way to LA. If Becks needs someone to help his ankle get back to 100%, I will offer up my services. I will make another appendage swollen and go until I'm sore.
What do you mean reverse cowgirl doesn't cure ankle injuries?
Pictures from here
Quote source here
Labels: becks, hot, masturbate and cry, sex, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity, using sex positions to cure injuries
Michael Owen.
I could write something about him or I could just sit here and stare at his picture. Yeeaaaahhhhhh.....I think I'm gonna go with the latter.
It's too hard to type with one hand anyways.
Line. Crossed it. Gross.
Labels: masturbate and cry, michael owen, panty creamer, soccer, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity
Mike Modano.I'm pretty sure the picture gives enough reason as to why Mandy and I must change our panties after watching Stars games.
But in case that isn't enough he also notched the 505th goal of his career the other night to extend his record for U.S.-born players. He now has 20 goals, 19 assists and 39 points in 53 games this season.
Unfortunately he's engaged to Willa Ford. She’s hot, but I know for a fact I saw at least 4 way more hot girls on my way to school today. I also passed 4 mirrors en route. Coincidence? I think not.
[source]
Labels: dallas stars, hot, mike modano, nhl, panty creamer, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity
When we aren't busy watching countless hours of
Dearest CJ...
If there was one man in all of
We could use a pitching lesson. You bring the bat and balls, we'll bring the glove. The love glove.
We have a lot of things in common:
-You have a 4.06 ERA. We have great DSL.
-You play for the Rangers. We watch the Rangers.
-You are from Newport Beach, CA. My grandma smokes Newports.
-You have 3 first names (Christopher John Wilson). We have three things we could do to you that would make you forget all of your names.
-You love Guitar Hero, tattoos, and Animal Planet. We love Guitar Hero, tattoos on you, and Animal Planet. (No joke here)
-You bat left and throw left. We're ambidextrous. Think about the possibilities.
We're willing to look past the fact that you are Straight Edge if you are willing to look past the fact that we are okay with sex in public places. We can also look past the fact that because you are Straight Edge you don't drink, if you can look past the fact that we drink enough to make David Wells look Straight Edge.
So bring your live fastball and hard sinker over to our place, CJ. I'm sure we'll be able to help you sink your hard bat and we'll be sure to mind the fastballs, too.
Love,
Lauren and Mandy xoxo
(Info on this weeks object of our desire was found here)
Labels: ball games of all kinds, love letters, masturbate and cry, mlb, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity, texas rangers
Obvious. I know.But it's my panties. So I get to pick.
Labels: hot, lauren's future husband, panty creamer, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity
When we aren't busy watching countless hours of
Our dearest Matt,
We can bend in ways you can’t imagine. You know Cirque du Soleil? We make them look like amateurs when it comes to contortion.
I could go into all the reasons why this would be amazing for you. But I won't waste your time. Just look at this equation:
So bring your paleness on over and meet our paleness. Because I know we may never be able to dethrone ScarJo in your heart or your rankings...but at least for one moment...we would like to think that both of us combined could get rid of that one note actress with the great rack. Because hey, two great racks are better than one.
What's that Scarlett? Oh yeah. You just got out Whataburgered.
With all the love that we posses,
Lauren and Mandy xoxo
(and don't worry there will be more love letters! it's not just him that we want to sleep with!)
Labels: love letters, no sports no shirts no problem, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity
