I'm already excited for the Ranger, Stars, and Mavs games all going at the same time and a pitcher of beer. And I'm a little bit horny.
We've already decided that we're ordering a few $5 pitcher for each quarter and a shot for each point the Stars score. And I've decided that I'm taking someone home.
The Ranger's game starts to wrap up and Milton Bradley goes 2 for 4 with 2 runs batted it and Michael Young homered and the Rangers pulled the rug out from under the O's in yesterday's double header. I started to get this tingling sensation between my legs. I felt a little hot on my face and my breath started getting shorter...
And the next thing I know the Mavs and the Jazz are going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and Dirk hits a 3pt to win the game with .9 seconds left. He grabs his jersey, sticks his tongue out and all I could imagine was him grabbing me and licking me, I started grabbing myself and biting my lip. I couldn't take it anymore. "Pull that jersey you sexy son of a bitch!" I can feel it, it's coming. And it's going to be a big one.
Oh god, back to the Rangers, CJ Wilson closing. Ohhhhhh, Goddddddd oh. God. Oh. Oh. Oh.
STARS WIN! STARS WIN! STARS WIN! RIGHT THERE! RIGHT THERE! DON'T STOP! DON'T YOU FUCKING STOP!
Don't.
Stop.
Don't.
Can you go get me some water?
Labels: dallas stars, its not as hard as you make it seem just try, let me introduce you to the female orgasm through sports watching, making a mess in public, mavs, texas rangers
Two grand slams!
"That was ridiculous. I have never been in anything like that in my life," said Saltalamacchia, who went 4-for-6 with a walk and scored five runs. He came in batting .179 and finished at .262.
Fuck yeah.
That was awesome.
[Photo - AP Photo/Nick Wass]
[Source and me watching it]
Labels: holy crap that is awesome, salty, texas rangers
Texas Rangers' manager Ron Washington and Dave Chappelle's Samuel L. Jackson
Labels: ron washington, separated at birth, texas rangers
When we aren't busy watching countless hours of porn sports and drinking amazing amounts of beer, we (like most girls) dream of that perfect guy out there just waiting to sweep us off our feet...okay, that's a lie. Lemme try this again...
When we aren't busy watching countless hours ofporn sports and drinking amazing amounts of beer, we dream of those perfect guys out there just waiting to have amazing sex with us. There. That's more like it. So in the hopes of reeling in one of these fine specimens that we wanna lay we're sending them love letters. This week it's our favorite hot relief pitcher from our Texas Rangers: CJ Wilson
When we aren't busy watching countless hours of
Dearest CJ...
If there was one man in all of
We could use a pitching lesson. You bring the bat and balls, we'll bring the glove. The love glove.
We have a lot of things in common:
-You have a 4.06 ERA. We have great DSL.
-You play for the Rangers. We watch the Rangers.
-You are from Newport Beach, CA. My grandma smokes Newports.
-You have 3 first names (Christopher John Wilson). We have three things we could do to you that would make you forget all of your names.
-You love Guitar Hero, tattoos, and Animal Planet. We love Guitar Hero, tattoos on you, and Animal Planet. (No joke here)
-You bat left and throw left. We're ambidextrous. Think about the possibilities.
We're willing to look past the fact that you are Straight Edge if you are willing to look past the fact that we are okay with sex in public places. We can also look past the fact that because you are Straight Edge you don't drink, if you can look past the fact that we drink enough to make David Wells look Straight Edge.
So bring your live fastball and hard sinker over to our place, CJ. I'm sure we'll be able to help you sink your hard bat and we'll be sure to mind the fastballs, too.
Love,
Lauren and Mandy xoxo
(Info on this weeks object of our desire was found here)
Labels: ball games of all kinds, love letters, masturbate and cry, mlb, tap dancing on that line between flattery and insanity, texas rangers
