THE POOP MACHINE THAT IS ALREADY WORTH MORE THAN YOUR LIFE
1 Comments Published by lauren on 4/18/2008 at 11:18.
And he gets held by supermodels.I think most of our readers know my policy on cute baby pictures. THEY GO UP. Oh God someone impregnate me NOW*. Darren McFadden, I'm looking at you.
[Source obviously PopSugar because of the annoying as shit watermark]
*-JOKE! Seriously. I drink waaaay too much to carry a baby to full term.
Labels: babies, tom brady, who knocked lauren up now?
I owe you a tale. A tale of drunken hilarity. On the e-bus. In Austin, TX. (I promise no more fragments.)
Well a normal night in Austin (drinking on 6th street, almost getting tattoos, eating a Best Wurst) led myself and a group of some rowdy rabelrousers to the E-bus. We were trying to make our way to West Campus and ended up taking a long, loud, crazy bus trip.
We made our way to the back of the bus where a group of some drunken boys were already holding camp. I don't remember how it happened (very, very drunk) and I tried to decipher my notes (hastily written as I decided (drunkenly) that this would be good post material) but they are no help at all.
Apparently there was a guy in a knock-off lacoste polo shirt that had a HUGE Boston tattoo on his leg. His "friend" (brown shirt guy) proceeded to call him "Fag", and other names. This perked the ears of many in my group who would just assume join in on the shenanigans. Attacking him with a barrage of insults led to an extremely loud chant of "FUCK TOM BRADY" over and over and over again. One of my girlfriend's hand was sticking out in the aisle and she thought she brushed by his crotch as the bus hit a bump. Upon realizing she didn't, she let everyone know that she hit nothing because this guy "Had no balls!" After screaming this brown shirt guy let us know that his friend was in fact Jewish (I was under the impression that people of that faith weren't supposed to get tattoos, hmph) and "no one would want to fuck those Jewish balls." In his defense, sort of, he defended he love of all things Boston with great passion. Fucker had it coming. And I hope no one tries to "fuck his balls", no matter what his balls believe, because I have a feeling that would be an awkward sexual position.
After they had their share of attacking him (he finally moved to the front of the bus) it was made obvious that everyone at the back were Cowboy's fans. This started more chants of "FUCK TOM BRADY."
After the bus ride was over, we made our long trek down the street to my friends apartment. She happens to live quite close to quite a few frat houses so our chants of "FUCK TOM BRADY" were always echoed. One of our group said that he could sum up the weekend with just those three words.
I wish this story could have been better, but I should have done this last week when it was fresher in my mind. Besides, after last Friday's 40oz party I'm having a hard time remembering my middle name. But next time you are in Texas' capital city, jump on a drunk bus and yell it out for you 'ole pal Lauren.
Labels: ATX, drunken busrides, random, road trip, shenanigans, tom brady, tomfoolery
YOUR DAILY REMINDER TO CONTINUE HATING TOM BRADY & THE PATRIOTS
1 Comments Published by mandy on 1/09/2008 at 03:46.
Labels: gisele, new england patriots, tom brady
A BATTLE ROYALE OF FAKE RUGGED DUDE PROPORTIONS
0 Comments Published by lauren on 10/12/2007 at 12:53.
On Sunday they will meet. Only one will survive. It's the Brady v. Romo Battle of Fake Ruggedness (or the BVRBFR).Who is better at being styled to look rugged? Who can work on a fake ranch harder? Who can rope an imaginary steer faster?
Yes, they will meet at Texas Stadium in what is sure to be one of the most (or the most) over hyped games of the season. Yes, they will compare Romo to Farve and Brady. Yes, we will see that damn Jerry Jones-Papa John's commercial over and over (which by the way was created by a guy I went to high school with).
But what matters to this fake writer, dear horn dog readers? You should know the answer to this one: Who would I most likely let get inside of Lauren the Greats magically fantastic oh so desirable treasure trove of wonder? Why don't I just draw it out and see who wins...
I'm not that great at math so someone else add that up and tell me who won. I can't be expected to have brains and beauty. Geez. Demanding.
I think we all know who I'd do with out even looking at that chart or using the Pythagorean theorem.
And both of them would be the correct answer. I can't lie. It's this disorder I have where I have to tell the truth at all times. Yes, I'd have sex with both of them. Yes, I do have boobs that would make a man leave his wife. Yes, I did win the sexiest person alive contest 3 years in a row under the false name Lola Mchumpmegood. Yes, when I wake up in the morning animated woodland creatures roam into my bedroom while I sing a song in my angelic singing voice.
I told you. I'm like a truth machine.
[Brady pic via The Big Lead]
Labels: graphs and charts help us learn, tom brady, tony romo, yes that is really what i call my lady parts
The first pictures of John Edward Thomas Moynahan, the illegitimate super spawn of Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan, are featured in the latest issue of OK! Magazine due on newsstands Thursday.
He's cute and kind of squishy looking like your typical baby, except this baby will probably grow up to be super good-looking, super talented, and super rich like his father. And will probably have terribly distorted and unreasonably high standards for women growing up with Bridget Moynahan as his mom and Gisele as his stepmom.
I say he's banging Suri Cruise and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt by 15 and a franchise quarterback rolling off a different supermodel every night before he's 25. Stupid asshole baby.
[Source]
Labels: illegitimate children, is it wrong to be jealous of infants?, tom brady
