GIRLS GONE SPORTS LOVE LETTERS

2 Comments Published by lauren on 3/21/2007 at 20:30.

When we aren't busy watching countless hours of ~~porn~~ sports and drinking amazing amounts of beer, we (like most girls) dream of that perfect guy out there just waiting to sweep us off our feet...okay, that's a lie. Lemme try this again...

When we aren't busy watching countless hours of ~~porn~~ sports and drinking amazing amounts of beer, we dream of those perfect guys out there just waiting to have amazing sex with us. There. That's more like it. So in the hopes of reeling in one of these fine specimens that we wanna lay we're sending them love letters. We start out with our mutual crush: Matt Ufford of With Leather.

Our dearest Matt,

It's hard to put into words just what we feel for you...you are a rare gem in this world full of...um...world full of...ah fuck it.

Look we're just gonna put this out there.

If you like it you can take it, if you don't, send it right back:

We want you to be on us. Yes, US.

We can bend in ways you can’t imagine. You know Cirque du Soleil? We make them look like amateurs when it comes to contortion.

You know that one scene from Wild Things? With the two girls? And the Matt Dillon? Yeah, this will be like 294891324.353 times hotter.

I don't know if it's your wit, your being a former marine, or your being hot…(but it's probably your being hot) that make us want to make sweet-hot-passionate-long lasting-great tasting-sweaty-crazy-illegal-in-48-out-of-50-states sexy time with you.

I could go into all the reasons why this would be amazing for you. But I won't waste your time. Just look at this equation:

So bring your paleness on over and meet our paleness. Because I know we may never be able to dethrone ScarJo in your heart or your rankings...but at least for one moment...we would like to think that both of us combined could get rid of that one note actress with the great rack. Because hey, two great racks are better than one.